I find restored to be a multifaceted word. It has so many connotations. Restored to a former state of being. Restored after having been broken or damaged in some way. Furniture,dolls,appliances,cars. These things and so much more can be restored in such a way they appear as brand new. You would never know by looking at them they were once in need of repair. How true is this of people??
I saw Ted Haggard and his wife very briefly on the Joy Behar show. I then went to his website to read about what has been going on with him recently. It was very interesting to read he and his wifes story and how they underwent a journey that had many extra trials in addition to his repentance and seeking counseling and accountability. A lot of assumptions were made about ted and a whirlwind of controversy especially since he was a high profile church leader facing a scandal dealing with sex & drugs.
I hope and pray Ted his wife and family are enjoying a restoration of true fellowship with Jesus and people. His story always hit home personally for me in a way because I had a personal sin involving sex which led me on a journey, one which i still am on . I have talked about this before on here but just felt like revisiting in thinking about restoration. I was in my second year at seminary, seeking a Masters of Divinity in Pastoral Counseling. I really liked my classes and my major professor, although having lived in southern california since 12 years old right near the beach, being in the middle of Illinois with NO mountains or beach of any kind, it was a lil rough lol
Youth Ministry was what i got my BA in at Bible College, though in my senior year I realized that it was not what i was truly cut out to be. Psychology had been my initial choice at je college and i had done really well, even being encouraged by actual psychologists who I took classes from. Math was always my nemesis though and i had such a fear of statistics and math I felt i would not be able to achieve my psych degree and ended up turning to ministry. I decided to see if i could get a youth ministry position while in seminary, as a way to prepare for a future assistant pastor position. I was hired by a small church in Illinois, some really wonderful people in that little congregation. Not much had been happening in the youth group and they hoped i could bring some life to it. I did find that the kids responded to me and a couple of them who never showed up to anything, actually came to a movie i showed!!!
The Sr Pastor wanted me to go to the local jr high and high school and talk to some of the kids there at their lunch and break times. Jr high and the beginning of high school were disastrous years for me and my inner fears of rejection and unattractiveness stirred in me at the thought of this. I felt like all the kids would laugh and ignore me wondering who i thought i was to to come see them at their school. This was not rational thinking i know. I stayed at a house owned by the church on friday through sunday, and my insides just churned more and more thinking about what would happen at doing this. I recalled a number i had seen in my paper on california that was a phone sex number. I rationalized my fears and uneasiness and decided to call the number as a release. Little did o realize how many times i called the number as one call lasted only 2 minutes. It became addicting to get more after being cut off. The phone bill of course showed up at the church, they discovered the nature of the number and i was asked to resign.
Restored. I felt like a total disgrace to God and to the church I had been hired at. Not to mention my seminary, all my professors and friends, my home church and all the people there, my family. This post is longer than i thought so i will be making some more soon. I still ask God this question of being restored. Thank you for reading.