really trusting God

I still cant believe how well my angioplasty went!!! It was totally painless and over in minutes!!! God really helped me to have a calmness the whole time as well something I seldom have when dealing with issues of my health. I have really been seeking to have a much bottom-line means of trusting God this past year.....getting what I accept wholeheartedly with my mind and will to be fully expressed at my heart-level its so strange how I can meditate on verses, sing songs and seek to practice His presence daily and still feel like I have so much fear and pain inside which I dont want I want it to be removed,discarded,abolished but it seems to linger somehow.

I have read a few books lately that are very challenging in this whole area. I really want to be more articulate in relating my journey to deepen my ability and my actual practice of trusting God for some reason i feel like Im stunted in letting my words flow forth from my fingertips with the stunning aplomb and verbosity of one who aspires to heights of erudition and perspicacity that can render my postulations with enigmatic hubris!!!! OK I am ready to slap my typist for that shameful display now. Hope to share more once I get my own computer back Hope you enjoy reading whoever may come across this lil domain.