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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, March 02, 2008

yea though He slay me

The book of Job is surely one of the most wondered about in the entire Bible. So much drama, so much to absorb regarding the realities of pain and suffering, the causes, God's character, our sin and freewill. Job's friends attempt to explain the causes of his suffering, so way off the mark. Job contemplates himself and ultimately is confronted by God Himself in a personal encounter which can only be described as awe-inspiring. Job certainly has resulted in volumes of writings on its themes.

I have prayed job's prayer many a time, partly the title of this post. *yea though He slay me yet will I trust in Him* The bummer is I have tried to flip the script on that truth in my own irrational way. Suffering and pain are no fun, not at all, and good things to be free of if you possibly can-at least i think that is what most would agree too. God sure has a different take on it though. He allows it to happen, as nothing that comes to us in our lives gets past His radar without His permission. Jesus of course experienced the most intense,horrible pain and suffering of anyone ever. He was not let off the hook because of His being Divine, and He took it on knowing it was the only way to reconcile us back to God and save us from ourselves and our own choice to reject God and His Authority.

I keep wrestling and want to always do so with Him. I have had my fear as a shadow a long time. I think underneath is also the added fear of having something happen for letting fear become an obstacle to begin with. My emotions and another part of me hurt and feel shame because I fear I would struggle to trust God if a serious event happened like a heart attack or being burned or who knows what it could be. Funny thing is that when i have had close calls, my stent and congestive heart failure, God comforted me and helped me just realize He was there and I was ok. This is the weird paradox. I so want to rest in trusting Him at all times and let my imagination go wild when I think of certain trials happening and feel like i would fall apart in fear. But when real things DO happen, I find Him helping me to rest and trust He is there.

I think a huge part of it is my lack of realizing His grace for myself. I have no problem seeing and applying it to others. I have this inner belief somehow that I should be able to handle things with the faith and spirit God places in me, obeying as He commands to. My own feelings become so much my barometer. God is greater than my ability and feelings, of course. He shows time and time again how He works through our weaknesses,but my flesh nature resists and fights against surrendering. I hope this post doesn't come out disjointed and hard to follow. I just have had more insights from friends thoughts and prayers lately and am wanting to rest in the reality of Gods grace and knowing there is nothing I can do in and of myself to make it happen apart from Jesus.

What does He do/ what do I do???? *by grace ye have been saved through faith and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God*- ephesians He promises no matter what we endure on earth, eternal life with Him will be far greater than can be imagined!!! With that truth in mind, help me to focus and maintain the title of this post as my prayer and position.

6 Comments:

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Kelly Jene said...

Sounds like we have quite a few of the same mindsets. May the Lord help us both! Hey, thanks for stopping by and encouraging me. It's really nice to hear about other's experiences. Makes me feel not so alone. I'm really trying to reach for God first and help from man second, know what I mean? It's not easy.

Wanna know what my pastor said about fear? Fear is showing faith in the devil. Ouch! And of course he doesn't mean consciously, but it brings back to mind that God only has good things and intends good things for us. When I feel fear rising up (which is quite frequent with the constant pain) I try to make that thought captive to Jesus.

God bless, brother.

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger Robert said...

hey kelly jene-

very glad to stop by and offer encouragement any way i can. Always like reading your comments on lil gypsys page. Thank you for that suggestion. Singing praise songs is often a helpful thing i need to use more often

His peace and comfort to you more and more sister.

 
At 1:32 AM, Blogger jennypo said...

This post made me think of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, whose answer to king Nebuchadnezzar was not, "Our God is going to keep us from having to go in the fire, he's going to, really, we really, really believe it...", but "Our God is ABLE to save us, but if he doesn't, we will not bow." Their trust was not in God's keeping them safe, but in God himself, no matter what happened.

Is that what you are saying here? Like Job, "even if God gives me what I don't want, HE'S the One that I want."

Lovely.

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger Robert said...

jennypo- yes that is exactly what im saying. it is what i want to say,especially when part of me pulls so hard to fight Him and have things my own selfish way. I want my prayer to help me to die to self and selfcenteredness in all its forms. Love your last few posts on your page my friend!!!

 
At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very interesting reading.. Robert ... The Lord had me preach on how to enter His rest last week ... 4:9 There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God.
Hebrews 4:10 For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God [did] from his.
Hebrews 4:11 Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief.

We all must search for it at many times in our life and it is in there as God Himself is in there (in us) but how do we get it. Hebrews 4:3 For we which have believed do enter into rest,.... I love to teach people how to believe, for then they enter the rest completely... our greatest stumbling block is, I believe, that the church has not taught adequately that our faith is linked to our subconcious belief system ... even though we may say the stuff something battling down inside is actually frustrating the Grace of God ...I find many trying to believe but when it actually happens they rejoice and rest ...what a beautiful picture we see when we see the transition from the place of struggle to the place of rest. We labour to get there the scriptures say but we do not labour in our own works...How did David enter that place .. 1 Samuel 30:6 And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. When we learn that our life is reflected in our mind as pictures then we can see that we indeed too often focus on the wrong pictures ... God has shown me how to change the focus of the album of my life and actually meditate on His word and see the scriptures pictured and coming into my life... It sure has brought change and break through in many areas and my subconcious belief system was challenged and changed in many ways... Hope this makes sense .. just a few thoughts from a life of experience... Bless you. Ray

 
At 2:55 AM, Blogger Robert said...

hey Ray- brother you make a world of sense!!! Our imaginations is often where we *live* for the most part, in those subconscious ways that are like the gbs steering what direction we go in. Taking and letting my mind imagine and focus on truths of Scripture really are and have been so good to find rest and joy in Him. I know I need to continully change my focus and aim it on Him. Sounds so simple yet so easy to get sidetracked and not even fully be aware of it. Thank God we have a Jesus who can give us all we need!!! Thanks so much for joining in on here ray and appreciate your years of walking with Him and the wisdom and experience you have recieved and so willingly share Peace and grace brother

 

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