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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Have This Attitude

I never truly realized just how impacted we all are by weather conditions till this past week. I live in Portland Oregon where anything over 85 is considered hot pretty much and we are used to almost year round rain. We experienced 100+ heat for 4 days straight here and I have NO AIRCONDITIONING!!! When i walked outside from my job at 4:30 I felt like i had entered a sauna, dry,heavy heat. My body responded immediately,especially my heart and I couldnt wait to get to my moms place & relax in her centralized a/c apt!!!! I don't know how people in arizona or nevada stand it!!!

The title of my post reflects on the verses which tell us to have the attitude of Jesus, which was one of humble service. Put others before yourself. I have often meditated on those verses over the years & have enjoyed their message. It just hit me how easily I get off focus on this though. I let past choices and problems become present by reanalyzing them and going over & over them in my imagination. Why did i do that, why didn't do I do this, how could i not have been stronger and on and on. I find it easy to lock myself into self-punishment for past sins, but is that the attitude of Jesus???? Is there something about doing that which seems to provide an escape, though a dysfunctional and weird one, from present struggles I find difficulty facing???

I talked to a friend about how easy it is for us to lose track and wander in either the past or the future and not find our way to being active in the present moment. Very strange us humans at times. Relationship with God,following Jesus, the deepest desires of our heart and what we so intensely ache for, and at the sametime so easily distracted and thrown off by physical discomforts,emotional hurts and other desires we have inside us. Another side of it is to become so selfhating we can't let go and relax in His love and grace because we feel like we are getting off easy or something. Grace can't be fully experienced & enjoyed, thats for heaven right??? I speak of my crazy neurotic mind here. I love to study the Bible and come up with lessons,sermons,stories and questions designed to encourage and inspire others to draw closer to God & experience Him deeper & more intimately, but lose the transfer of it onto myself so much over & over.

My heart trouble has been letting me experience a reality of my own mortality in ways my imagination has run wild over most of my life ever since my father died. God has helped me learn lil by lil through it, and has been helping me to see past my blindspots more hopefully. I do want moment by moment to seek to have this attitude of Jesus, especially when it seems so hard to find for whatever reason at times. Let go of myself and just rest in Him. Let that reality be actualized moment by moment day by day.


At 6:53 PM, Blogger Aphra said...

people in arizona and nevada probably have a/c. lol.

when I visited atlanta, I was surprised to see that every place had a/c but I guess if the heat goes to 100 often that makes sense. it doesn't get that way here. this summer hasn't been very warm here at all- and I like warm! maybe i should move to arizona or nevada. lol.

At 8:22 PM, Blogger MistiPearl said...

Hey there...good thoughts here! And I am glad you are doing well.
Are you on twitter...look me up if you are. Smiles and blessing to you~mp:)


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