Heart Issues

Just got home from the hospital today. I have been there since Tuesday, due to a severe irregular heartbeat. My condition was complicated by my having congestive heart failure for a few years now. Kinda weird the way God works through actual situations. i have written so much about my struggling with having a fear of death and dealing with it, and sure enough a problem with my heart occurs. The good thing is the hospital I went to had a very great staff of nurses and helpers. I was able to chill while in there the whole time as well and not be totally stressed and scared the whole time.

I think God has helped me to come to a better realization experientially of His grace & acceptance. I have such a penchant to feel Him looking at me with dissatisfaction or exasperation on a feeling level because of my perfectionism towards myself. There is something in me that makes me feel like everyone else has all their fears under control and stuff. Of course this is totally unrealistic but it doesnt stop my inner critical parent from carrying on in its ocd style.

I will have to have am electric shock to make my heart go back to normal rhythm in a month. Scary to think about. I may need to get a pacemaker in a few months if no progress occurs. My Dr said one of the pumps in my heart was working at 25% when its supposed to be at least 65% ugh. So many new meds & stuff now Just wanted to share & appreciate all your thoughts,prayers & well wishes!!!!!