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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Friday, August 07, 2009

Theology Miley Cyrus Style

No there is nothing wrong with your eyes, the title of this post is exactly what you see. Miley Cyrus says some plainly profound theological truths in her song. Always gonna be another mountain,not about how fast i get there...... its about the CLIMB!!!!! Right on Miley!!!!

Life is a lil precarious right now. I went into the hospital once again for heart problems. I have a combo of congestive heart failure,atrial fibrillation and diabetes. A few years ago my cardiologist said my heart was working at 35%. A few months ago, it was down to 25%. Now just the other day, I was told it is at 15% Do you see a pattern here??? I have been very upfront about my fear of death ever since i started this blog. How it has been a monkey on my back for so long & how I have wanted to turn it over to God & be free of it. I think God has a lot different way of doing that than I.

I sat in my hospital room and contemplated that my life could be ending soon due to my heart just giving out. So many different thoughts. Not wanting to make my mom see her son die after having lost her husband. Not wanting to leave my sister,nephew & niece. Not wanting to be stuck in a way where I feel I left without making it through the hopes,dreams & desires deep in my soul of which I want God to lead me to explore & journey through. So much time,effort & struggle to have a relationship with God & Jesus, share it with everyone around me, and also battle to deal with my inner conflicts which led me to turn against & act in ways & have thoughts which resisted and refused to surrender to Him as I believed I should & He wanted me too.

So many lives in this world, so many different avenues they take,even when stating they want to follow a commom path & journey. My heart is fragile now. It could stop any second, I try to not think about that. I may not be able to work anymore as i have been and have to go on disability. I may suffer severe fiancial crises. Somehow, in all this upheaval, God is helping me to stand and persevere without going off the deep end. Somehow, I cling to a hope that no matter what I go through and how painful or rough it may be, He will be present and with me all the way through. Ever since my dad died I have inwardly fought to AVOID pain & suffering of a physical kind. No way but by His grace & love could I give up that pursuit and actually accept whatever comes my way.

Yes Miley, it's about the CLIMB!!!!! WHOOHOO!!!


At 11:58 PM, Blogger jennypo said...

So glad to hear He has been with you in even this. He is kind, and He cannot lie.


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