Love Reign

Good Friday Isn't that a misnomer??? Paradoxical actually because the worst most horrific death ever experienced, that of Jesus, became the most glorious,transcendent overcoming death which actually gave way to Life. Many different things swirling through my mind. Why has it been so hard to just accept the victory of resurrection life over death for me??? Why have i not been able to let perfect love cast out all fear & just live nonstop,unceasingly in the love reign of God thru Jesus?? Why is it so hard for all of us too??? We can be filled with thoughts,desires, longings and whatever adjective you choose for connection to and with God, but so easily life carries us along and distracts us with all the different things with which we have to do. Just venting my own inner frustration. I want to live His love reign, fully and actively. But, I find ways to resist and hide and so many more things that make it hard to do that. I pound my head inside wondering why this is, but isn't this the bane of living as Paul said in Romans??? We fight inside ourselves and Jesus is the only overcomer of it???

Rejoice in resurrection sunday!!! Do you experience this battle though in ways i have described?? Does God and Jesus seem so close and so far both at once??