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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Friday, February 12, 2010

Abuse Has Long Tentacles

There was a girl born shortly after the Great Depression. Born in a small town in northern california. Small,dusty,not a lot of industry, but maybe around same amount of bars as churches. Farming was a mainstay, and she belonged to a dairyfarming family. Her mother was an odd mix. Loved to travel and se the world but also shy and reclusive. She did not think motherhood was high on her list, so she chose to have the girl raised by her aunt and uncle. Her mother was absent far more than present, a tentacle of emotional abuse. Her aunt and uncle were quiet,hardworking,serious folks, no real displays of affection, either physically or verbally. They moved quite a bit, from lil town to lil town, the girl learned that friendships were hard because once she made one, inevitably they would move.

It began quietly, as she was alone in her room. He would come in,call her sweet ames and make her laugh and feel cared for. He began the touching and fondling. Something in her told her it was not right, but he was her uncle, acting as her father, for her biological father had been an alcoholic who never really embraced his daughter, and he died a few years after her birth. Her uncle made her feel good,womanly.attractive and loved. He never displayed affection any other time or any other way.The girl thought her aunt must have known what had been going on, but she feigned ignorance. Better to keep skeletons locked in the closet than worry about them rattling around causing problems.

The girl grew up, she learned to rely on her intellect and inner strength. She hardly ever got sick, not even colds. Showing affection was quite hard for her, as she was both neglected and recieved it in a dysfunctional way. Abuse tentacles are long and stretch across decades. She entered nursing school and joined the military as an RN 2nd Ltnt. She met a man there, fell in love and married, even having her first child on base. The abuse did not prevent her from finding love and making a family of her own. Its tentacles can be overcome.

Her man died about 9 years after their marriage. She did not marry again. Various reasons of why. Certainly feelings of abandonment,loss,a whole host of emotions swirling inside, and she had the pain of lielong emotional and physical abuse inside,fighting her in the decisions she had to make as to living life. A widow, 2 lil kids. Resilience,determination,faith and hope and love drove her as she carried on her life. The tentacles always lurked in the shadows, would they reach even to her children???

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