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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Safe Risk

Wouldn't that be lightning in a bottle??? LOL A true oxymoron, for the very act of risk removes safe from the equation. Well, totally safe anyhow. The desire for absolute certainty is something I wish were true. Of course, no need for faith if that were to be true, at least a certain aspect of faith. We all have alot of common things in life we go through and must deal with. Death is one of them. I find it so incredible that alot of people can just be so content about death and not it let bother them in the least Why can't i be like that??? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR lol

I try to make logical sense of death in a biblical way but the aspects of it that are not logical drive me crazy!!! Death happens to us all, Jesus removed the sting of death and promises He will never leave us and death cannot separate us from Him EVER!!! BUT...... see always the dumb buts!!!! What if my faith is too weak?? What if death happens anytime anywhere and i am not ready for it??? My whole way of trying to control death and my handling it is neurotic in that of course it can happen anytime ,anywhere. Sudden deaths happen all the time. I have a high risk in that i have diabetes, high blood pressure as well as congestive heart failure. Thankfully God has helped me to not spend every waking moment worried about dying. Though in my bad moments it seems that way LOl

God does not give lofty explanations of why He does things or chooses people for things. He didn't to abraham, to moses, to elijah. He merely acts because HE IS GOD!!!! He is GOOD!! My thoughts and feelings that waver on that because of emotional pain and hurts i have had i wish would be forever resolved. God is good even if He slay me, which one day will happen. help me to be at peace as You give it to me with that God.


At 6:47 PM, Anonymous mariam said...

It's funny. I find atheists are often less afraid of death than many Christians. Does that make sense?
When I was an atheist I didn't really fear death. Not that I had a death wish or anything. I've found that as a Christian I am possibly more afraid of death - or perhaps I am just a lot closer to it (LOL). However, I think that nothingness is somehow less to be feared than facing God's judgement, even if you believe, as I do, that God forgives all and will heal us when we stand before Him, I still have that feeling that He is going to go over all the bad things I did and didn't make amends for. So it will be like having to stand in front of my Mom knowing I've really hurt and disappointed her, even though I know she forgives me and isn't going to punish me.

That's why I actually like the part of the Anglican service when we confess our sins for the week and ask for forgiveness. It's like paying off my credit cards each month and not running a balance. Just being honest about my childish thoughts, I know it's not theologically sound or anything.

At 6:59 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Mariam- hey there!!! Actually my friend i think you are theologically sound as James tells his audience to confess sins to one another and pray for one another to be healed. Sounds like your anglican fellowship is pretty right on!!!

i always am so happy to see you here and recieve any comments because you speak from the heart and always challenge and encourage. I hope your daughter finds more peace day by day!!

At 11:57 PM, Anonymous mariam said...

Thanks Robert. Well, I don't mean to disappoint you; we don't actually confess our sins to one another - not, you know, specific sins. Nobody gets up and announces they've been cheating on their wives or anything. That would be considered in poor taste (LOL). First the priest say something like: "God is infinite in mercy and welcomes sinners to His table. Let us confess our sins, confident of God's forgiveness." Then we have a period of silence in which we consider our shortcomings and confess them to God in silence. Than we have a communal prayer which goes "Lord, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart. We have not loved our neighbours as ourselves. We are truly sorry and we humbly repent. For the sake of your Son, please forgive us and heal us so that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways, to the glory of your name." Then the priest offers a prayer for our forgiveness. It is a little different than maybe what you are used to because there is both and individual and a group component.

I welcome your prayers for my daughter. She is struggling a bit right now. Her weight is quite low and she is trying to attend school full-time. I worried this was a recipe for disaster but she seemed so happy to be back at school. Predictably, she is very stressed about school, even though she enjoys it. She has major social and other anxiety issues. And when she is stressed she does things that are not very healthy for her. Ironically, what is not healthy for her is what doctors are trying to get most people to do, ie. eat more fruits and vegetables and get more exercise. Because of her colitis my daughter is supposed to only eat limited amount of well-cooked fruits and vegetables and well as limiting other fibre intake. She also has Celiac so she can't eat wheat, rye and barley products or dairy. She is not allowed to have coffee either. And because her weight is so low she is supposed to avoid exercise. So guess what she does when she is stressed? Eats a big salad full of raw fruits and vegetables and rollerblades at breakneck speed 10 miles across town to a Starbuck's where she orders a latte. Why couldn't she just take up booze or chocolate, like the rest of us. (just kidding).

At 6:40 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Mariam-I grew up in the Catholic Church so i am familiar with liturgy to an extent. I like very much the communal prayer for confession,forgiveness and repentance, sounds very therapeutic. I will pray for your daughter definitely. it is weird the things we will do to handle anxiety. I am sure her intelligence makes it even tougher for her in dealing with stress. LOL about booze and chocolate!! Thanks for sharing my friend

At 3:27 PM, Blogger karen said...

I so get all of this, Robert. The fear, etc. We can't control our own death and that scares us. My fear is that I'll take someone else out or it will happen in front of people it shouldn't happen in front of (little kids). But, He and I have had that discussion, and that helped.
I personally feel that there is nothing to fear from God after death...all that was finished on the cross. I think you may remember that I'm a bit of a universalist Christian.
Your faith is strong.

At 6:06 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Karen- hey my precious friend!!! I agree karen totally!! I have a similar fear of it happening in a wrong place at wrong time. My fear has always been rooted in the pain aspect of the physical stuff, but then my mind takes that and tries to add spiritual fear because i have the physical fear, but Jesus asked the Father a couple times if there was any other way so.... I lean toward a universalist view myself so i hear ya!!


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