deserved grace

Catchy title eh??? A true oxymoron like military intelligence lol this idea has been something I seem to get all muddled up inside myself over and over. The whole definition of grace is that it is *unmerited* UNDESERVED!!! Why is that such a hard thing to take in??? No matter how well i understand the idea in my mind..... a large part of me wants to think i somehow DO earn Gods grace. Crazy indeed. So many other thoughts rumbling through my mind hard to think just what to write lately. Smitty at *crockpot faith* has been making several posts which challenge me... thanks for the comment by the way smitty!!! She has a very good way of posing questions and following up with varied ways to analyze them. The idea of other issues surrounding grace create a quandary inside me. Obedience, action,surrender,denying self,and many more. I can do nothing in myself to make God love me anymore than He does...... yet i am called to obedience and without that I slip back and distance grows between myself and God. As christians we are not to be passive, yet i find myself struggling with this so much because of past hurts and emotional pain which passiveness serves as a defense mechanism against.

So much is made of *feelings* I am overwhelmed by my feelings sop much of the time. A question came to me though. Do couples who have been married a long time always have strong feelings everyday and have the need to express them rtegularly??? i think not. o yes, there are times when strong feelings rush to the surface or just burst out from deep within due to something shared or experienced. BUT, do not most couples relate to eaxch other in a constant attitude of love whether not feelings are being expressed and felt or not???? I guess my point is maybe God doesnt care so much of us having to conjure up feelings for Him to show we love Him as much as just carry on in an attitude of love..... steady,continula way of being where we just acknowledge we love Him. Really thinking out loud here,hoping i make some sense. IKts weird to me that i can ACT in a serving way, wanting to seek to imitate Christ in all i do and having that desirein mind yet inside myself torture myself by making myself feel unworthy of Godslove and grace and like Im totally unable to ever be a *good and faithful servant* yet that is my ultimate goal i MOST seek and yearn for!!!!

Any thoughts???? Thanks again for all who stop by and comment or peek in :)