It Hurts

To reflect back and have all to constnat reminders of past and continual failures

to have such a keen understanding mentally of what God wants to make happen and be so far from carrying it our emotionally/actively

to seek to surrender to God and let Him unravel those things which for whatever reason i have been unable ot unwilling to

to face the fact that pain is a necessary part of lasting change ,growth and transformation

to walk in faith and let go of things which are destructive yet so familiar they have served as a weird security

to open myself to risking in wya i long to and know will be ultimately a joyful thing yet i still am haunted by the shame from falling countless times before

So many more thoughts i could say as to why it hurts I wanted to end with a truly positive thing.... even though it hurts God is wrestling with me and helping me know hope and peace in the midst.... and that He will be in the hurt all the time with me. The more He helps me realize that the less it does hurt.