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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Monday, January 08, 2007

Let God BE God!!

As though anyone could stop Him!!!! But actually we can, in a way, and he makes it possible. His choice in how He created us,formed us,allowing us freedom and ability to choose, to love or not. In creating us the way He did, God made it so that we could frustrate His being Himself!!!! I know this analogy is imperfect, but my underlying point is that God ultimately outdoes Himself in Christ.

I love all the blogs with special posts about beginning a new year and all to look forward to. God is new every morning as it says in His Word. He is age to age the same yet always fresh and breathtaking everyday. I want to be *in the present* alot more this year and let Him be Him. I have let the past and sins which were committed there become like a noose around my neck internally far too long. Even before I made some really major mistakes i had that struggle with allowing very small things to act like a death sentence within, definitely suffered from an over-senstivie conscinence and legalism on myself. The times where i seemed to get a glimpse of what grace actually meant in a feeling sense for myself i always seemed to find a way to sabotage it by falling in some way. I think I place even more shame and pressure upon myself because i aspired to be a spiritual leader and to minister to others and ended up failing in some ways I had never envisioned. The verses in timothy where Paul warns men to not seek to be leaders for they will incur a more severe judgement. Or the one that talks about a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. In my darkest moments these verses and other thoughts along these lines are just crushing inside. I seek to pray and give all to Him, to lean not on my own undwrstanding, to be still and know he is God. All my mind and heart echoes back are .....that I didn't... that I chose sin, selfishness,worry fear and doubt. That is the vicious circle i want to let go of and allow Gods love grace and kindness to remove and help[ me rest in the present with Him.

I don't want to be a broken record. i certainly do not want to be whining or bellyaching, just the issue that has struck me stubbornly that i want to share and have Gods power to be transformed from. I wish i were more stable and emotionally mature like many to have moved on from certain struggles or patterns and maintain an ongoing victory. I want that to be the case now. I wonder what many of your reflections are??? Do you struggle with certain aspects of life, emotionally.spiritually/relationally. in similar ways maybe even since childhood??? Do you find yourself gaining victory over sin easily and sensing your maturity just stay on an upward plane??? is it a mixture throughout your life??? relly hope to hear a lot of varied responses .

God is good All the Time All the Time God is Good!!!!!


At 12:02 AM, Blogger Pam Hogeweide said...

hey robert,

yes, as a 42-year old woman who has been a Christ follower for over two decades I have been dismayed about certain weaknesses in my life that are like weeds I cannot get rid of. Depression would be one of them. Argh. I hate this black dog that will disappear for a while, sometimes a long while, only to reappear and suck the life out of me. Again.

I heard a preacher preach one time, You won't be depressed if you know the love of God. So I wondered if I did not know the love of God? Have my encounters with him been a mirage? An illusion? This preacher is telling me that a true encounter with God's love will cure depression. Argh...and on and on it goes.

So I get through it, somehow finding my way back to the unending love and acceptance of God, that even in my darkest places, the parts of me that I am embarrassed about, that I hide, in these very shadows he embraces me. This has been my greatest discovery in my wilderness time. That He who knows me best, loves me the most.

And that helps to drive that black dog of depression away. At least for a while.

(good blogging robert. and hey, thanks for bravely being the token brother who spoke up in the midst of all my wilderness sisters!)


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