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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Patience Needs To Hurry Up

I wonder if that is a bumper sticker??? I want patience- and i want it right now!!!! I hate being impatient over lil sillystuff, makes me even that much more aware how horribly impatient I am so much with truly big and important stuff. I am at a intersection waiting to make a left turn and cars keeping from both directions, I get mad and tell them all to stop coming so i can make my turn. I stand in line at the grocery store or the bank, people ahead of me take forever to finish their business and maybe fumble with their wallets or credit cards and take a lil extra time, I seethe inside mentally wishing they would hurry up and be done already. So ridiculous right??? Patience for those little mundane things should be like on automatic pilot for crying out loud.

It is alot like looking for a needle in a haystack for me to have patience with myself. As I peruse the land of blogs i have discovered many share this malady. The origins of it are a lil cloudy but it sure has been deeply rooted for quite some time. Where does that inner voice come from that tries to gauge just where you should be on the *life performance scale* anyway??? Is it a combo of conscience/parents/ authority figures from ages 1 to 7 or so??? How does this tyrant come up with their scale??? Does yours sound like a tyrant or a drill instructor??? I loved taking a class on Transactional Analysis in jr college. The critical parent sure was an aptly named title for at least one dimension of this voice.

I wonder if we all take a look from an observer perspective at times and try to see how we come across on our blogs. I find it fascinating how total strangers can pick up on small nuances and obscure details and actually share very insightful gleanings into my psyche that I may not even been cognizant of. Or they can see ways that some things may be overdone or distort the full picture from being seen. I know i tend to seek to share the darker places of what I have or currently am struggling with because I see this as a safe and helpful venue to do so, and as a means to gain understanding and reassurance as well as to discover others also share similar ordeals. It really is freeing and a joy to realize that many many bright spots and positive experiences are present and able to be focused on more and more each day as well.

i am not sure just exactly my purpose in this post. I know I don't want to make this a place where I just share all the downer aspects of life as Im living it, hopefully that has not been the case. I just am coming to more and more of a inentional realization of how God is present and always has me under His care regardless of my failures and foulups. In my head i have known and learned of His grace and love for a very long time. I have had glimpses in my heart of this as well. I have mastered the art of squashing anything that tried to escape and face the pain of questioning why my heart wasn't in experiential agreement with my head despite all i knew to be true. I am so glad I have met many people who relate to this dilemma and who share how they process their way through. Very good thing God has boundless patience, if only i coukl hurry to remind myself of it all the time.

6 Comments:

At 12:17 AM, Blogger Kelly Jene said...

Great post. Again. I think I say that every time, don't I. Well, you have a way with words and putting your thoughts and feelings into a form that others can also see themselves. Patience. Time lines. Mine is more of a tyrannical freak always on the verge of some sort of break down. hehe

Finding the balance of sharing the dark and light is a journey in itself. It forces us to see ourselves. Do you always focus on the dark? On the light?

Take care brother!

Oh and if I find the elusive Patience, I'll knock it down and send it on to you.

 
At 1:48 AM, Blogger Robert said...

hey kellyjene-

lol yes if you capture the elusive patience please send it to me i need it badly :) I focus on the dark and light, seems attimes the dark gets more airtime always a struggle thank you for always sharing good stuff with me really love your place alot as well God bless you good sister!!!

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger Tracy Simmons said...

Robert, I loved this line:
"I just am coming to more and more of a intentional realization of how God is present and always has me under His care regardless of my failures and foulups." It could take us a lifetime to even get a glimpse of that truth, couldn't it? I'm also coming to rest in that place. It sure brings peace, even while Ms. Patience is no where to be found!

 
At 5:01 AM, Blogger Gypsy said...

Hello Bobby Bear,
Oh dear if patience is a virtue then I'm afraid I am a very unvirtuous soul indeed. I wonder if that is even a word but I'm sure you take my point. Great post my cuddly friend.

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger bjk said...

"Very good thing God has boundless patience "

true dat....

love the post
love the journey
love Him
thanks for sharing it
don't stop.....b

 
At 11:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well well what a subject.. We all can sure relate to.. I was so impatient ... I was one who had staff and if I spoke they jumped.. then i got sick, nearly died... lost everything, job, home, income oh well you know...I then got saved... and how it frustrated me to watch my spiritual father just sit and wait on God... hours days months and not act till he heard... I would just think i heard and run head long into what i think is best... many years of finding out the frustration of doing that take it's toll... i am sure the lord chuckles as we run and run our own race only finally weakening to go back again and sit... these days I find myself sitting a lot like my spiritual father did, much to the frustration of my sons and daughters in the ministry... do this do that they say.. my response is just wait a bit...He has not spoken yet... I see their expression and I chuckle ... what a hard lesson it is to develop something He can not give us but leads us to... patience. I have actually found that sitting waiting on Him is the quickest way to develop it and He takes care of our stuff while we wait. I once sat in prayer for 1 week.. what I call listening prayer .. you just sit in reverence at the feet of the Master and await Him to speak... He did not speak in 1 week so i sat another and then ... oh then ... the breakthrough I awaited came ... i guess I just ahd to get desperate enough to wait !!!!!!
Wait on Him .... I find now i spend a lot of time waiting, just sitting in reverence ... and our fellowship is so sweet.. I think that first week broke something in me . . the second week as I sat and listened, stopped for a cuppa and a short break and back to it again ...developed something and now i am receiving much.. Please don't think I have it all together.. I am a work in progress like us all.. just sharing a little of what He shows me..
23 If any man have {ears to hear}, let him hear.
24 And he said unto them, Take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you: and unto you that hear shall more be given.
25 For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.

Ears to hear .. I have preached a lot on this ... we must develop them or what we have will be taken away .. a tough call to us all...When we do develop them we are surely blessed... it is a process .. but if you know the process you can more easily go through it .... Bless you for your thoughts and the expression of them.
Ray.

 

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