Patience Needs To Hurry Up

I wonder if that is a bumper sticker??? I want patience- and i want it right now!!!! I hate being impatient over lil sillystuff, makes me even that much more aware how horribly impatient I am so much with truly big and important stuff. I am at a intersection waiting to make a left turn and cars keeping from both directions, I get mad and tell them all to stop coming so i can make my turn. I stand in line at the grocery store or the bank, people ahead of me take forever to finish their business and maybe fumble with their wallets or credit cards and take a lil extra time, I seethe inside mentally wishing they would hurry up and be done already. So ridiculous right??? Patience for those little mundane things should be like on automatic pilot for crying out loud.

It is alot like looking for a needle in a haystack for me to have patience with myself. As I peruse the land of blogs i have discovered many share this malady. The origins of it are a lil cloudy but it sure has been deeply rooted for quite some time. Where does that inner voice come from that tries to gauge just where you should be on the *life performance scale* anyway??? Is it a combo of conscience/parents/ authority figures from ages 1 to 7 or so??? How does this tyrant come up with their scale??? Does yours sound like a tyrant or a drill instructor??? I loved taking a class on Transactional Analysis in jr college. The critical parent sure was an aptly named title for at least one dimension of this voice.

I wonder if we all take a look from an observer perspective at times and try to see how we come across on our blogs. I find it fascinating how total strangers can pick up on small nuances and obscure details and actually share very insightful gleanings into my psyche that I may not even been cognizant of. Or they can see ways that some things may be overdone or distort the full picture from being seen. I know i tend to seek to share the darker places of what I have or currently am struggling with because I see this as a safe and helpful venue to do so, and as a means to gain understanding and reassurance as well as to discover others also share similar ordeals. It really is freeing and a joy to realize that many many bright spots and positive experiences are present and able to be focused on more and more each day as well.

i am not sure just exactly my purpose in this post. I know I don't want to make this a place where I just share all the downer aspects of life as Im living it, hopefully that has not been the case. I just am coming to more and more of a inentional realization of how God is present and always has me under His care regardless of my failures and foulups. In my head i have known and learned of His grace and love for a very long time. I have had glimpses in my heart of this as well. I have mastered the art of squashing anything that tried to escape and face the pain of questioning why my heart wasn't in experiential agreement with my head despite all i knew to be true. I am so glad I have met many people who relate to this dilemma and who share how they process their way through. Very good thing God has boundless patience, if only i coukl hurry to remind myself of it all the time.