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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Time & Shoelaces

I rediscovered a blog friend I hadn't seen in a long while. Biscottibrain. She always had very transparent posts and I saw she was doing a series of looking back at her life, seemed like a bucket list in present time. All she shared spoke to me deeply of realizing Gods unlimited love and discipline both, as He ceaselessly maintains His presence, often in unusual or mysterious ways.

I had a very hard time learning to tie my shoelaces and tell time when i was little. i don't think I really got the hang of it until i was 7 and in 2nd grade. I felt very selfconscious about this. i used to get called out of class to go to the special teacher who helped me learn to tell time. I had other things that stuck out. i stuttered,had hearing difficulty and flat feet which caused me to waddle when i ran. Kids are not diplomatic about noticing these things, they can pick on them pretty harshly. Just the way kids are, like chickens who have a pecking order. The weakest one recieves roughest treatment from the rest. I am not writing this out of selfpity, just as a way to understand the dynamics involved. I think I am one of those who fall under the category of highly sensitive people. Our nervous system as well as our emotional makeup are wired a lil tighter than others. In understanding this it helps me to realize I was among others who understood my inner realities of how i experienced life happening.

I want to take the lessons learned from my struggle to tie my shoes and tell time. Fear has been the huge monkey on my back as i have shared so constantly on here. God has whittled it down moment by moment, helping me to face it in ways i would not have chosen. I hope to keep moving forward in handling fear as He helps me. I really took a message of hope from biscottibrains blog. She shared how often she found herself fighting fears,anger,and just her own resistance to change or growth, and yet she found God to be with her always even when she felt a total failure. I am not quoting her verbatim, lol, but that is a very real message i got from her writings. I hope to maintain that spirit of hope and willingness to be stretched as God sees fit, even when I'm feeling so out of it. It is so cool to have a place to share so honestly and even get feedback from anyone and everyone. God is good!!!!


At 4:01 PM, Blogger Aphra said...

I live with a few highly sensitive people- I think it's the best way to be even though it is probably the hardest as you feel things so deeply.

My 7 year old cannot tie his shoes. Nowadays the daycares do not permit tie shoes due to dangers of laces and of daycare teachers time to tie them, so they demanded velcro shoes and so after daycare I still got him velcro shoes. I guess I should teach him sometime so he has more options in later life. It is interesting the things that were a big deal when we were kids that aren't any more.

At 8:35 AM, Blogger Becky said...

We all have a STORY robert and I love reading yours....


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