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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, October 08, 2009

God/Love Never Fails

He's got the whole world in His hands. Great lil song that speaks a deep truth. Gods Being is truly unfathomable. He really is way beyond any human scope to fully figure Him out, and that is a very good thing. I don't think we would want a God who was like a rubiks cube, a bit of a challenge but aha, able to conquer it and master it. No way jose, never happening with God. I have gotten a bit of a breather from Him in the quiet times last few days. My constant wrestling with fear becomes so wearisome and I chuckle to myself that He is there just rolling His eyes and saying- will you just let it go and give it to Me already!!! :) Sometimes i get caught in my mental maze of clutter and feel like all I go through is my battle with myself and my limitations which I have ambivalence about. He gives me lots of small ways to remind me He is always here and has guided me through all kinds of adventures in spite of myself.

I got a message to a query i had made on overcoming guilt and shame and forgiving yourself. The person said what pride and audacity is it to want to recieve my own self forgiveness and overcoming this on my own as i see fit, than to accept and want to rest in the forgiveness and grace of God??? This just really hit me. I have not thought of it in that way but it really made sense. How could I seek to control fear and certain outcomes that I didnt want to happen??? Underlying all this has been the knowing that death is universal to all of us, none of us would go through it if we could help it, but ultimately it is in Gods Hands and we trust ourselves to Him in it. I wish my feelings would just go along with that all the time, but maybe God allows for them not too, just as happened in the Psalms. I do not fear death every second, but it has been frequent. The psalmists are good models for expressing those feelings anytime they emerge.

God is way bigger than my ability to figure Him out and to try and control Him. Amen He understands why i try anyhow.

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