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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Increase Our Faith

This was the cry of Jesus disciples after He spoke several parables in a row to them. Right after Jesus said to forgive anyone who sins against them and comes back saying they repent of it. Jesus reply was all is needed is faith the size of a mustard seed, which is the tiniest of seeds. WOW. So, they ask Him to increase their faith, and He tells them a teeny tiny amount is enough?? What is He saying about the amount of faith they had??

I like to ask questions out loud, helps my mind to think through things more clearly. When I read the Bible and take many things at face value, all is hunky-dory. But, thoughts and perceptions happen that make it not so simple. I realize bad things happen. Pain,suffering,disease,hardship,death. I wonder why,and then i wonder why not to me, or when is my turn?? Always seems like a merry-go-round of trying to stay focused and singleminded on seeking God and His kingdom. Job told his wife after he had suffered all the calamity, *shall we accept good from God and not trouble?* This goes along with his proclamation, *yea though He slay me yet will I trust in Him* Those are such powerful words, showing a complete and utter abandonment to God no matter what He does.

This is why fear has been such a strange thing for me. It always casts a lingering shadow no matter where i go. But God also provides an opposite shadow, reminding of His Presence and promise. My mind drives me crazy though when i experience fear or doubt or depression or anxiety. It loves to prod me telling me I once again lacked faith & obedience in God. How do i escape this?? Its my own mind always!!! Then, God supplies times where i can just realize His Presence,Love and Grace. He is with me even in those times where my fear and weaknesses are on a rampage inside me.

Does He actually use those times of fear,doubt and dread to draw me back to seeking Him?? Does He regard me with His same exact love no matter what uneasiness i experience subjectively?? I want so badly lots of times to just have a feeling like on Christmas or Easter, just the excitement and joy of the day!!!! Maybe He wants me to realize He doesnt need me to have that emotional *high* all the time??? Why do I continuously seek after it?? Maybe i confuse seeking Him with seeking His peace???

1 Comments:

At 5:31 PM, Anonymous Mariam said...

As many have noted, the "pursuit of happiness" is one of the chief sources of unhappiness. My brother was just reading Rick Warren's "A Purpose Driven Life" and is much taken with it. I don't necessarily agree with Warren's theology 100% but I do agree with his notion that we do not find happiness through seeking happiness but through finding our purpose, and the purpose we need to seek is to serve God. This isn't, of course a new idea,whethef you are a believer or an atheist. Tolstoy said "Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness"
And Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled) says "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers". This I have found to be true also. We grow and learn the least when we are "comfortable".

 

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