more of Him

That is the cry of my heart both audible and inaudible. I saw 2 excellent movies last 2 days . 300 and Amazing Grace. 300 is awesomely done!!!! Incredible scenery and layout the fighting sequences are jawdropping much like the scenes in saving Pvt Ryan were as to the realism of the blood gore and grimness of war. God sure uses movies, o yes He does!!!! Even if the director,producers,actors and screenwriters have no inkling about Him he finds a way. God LOVES a good story, I mean come on what is the Bible???? God's STORY!!!!!!! others have posted about amazing grace, i just want to echo that its a great movie very inspiring.

I have been praying since last year, it is a prayer i etch as my all the time desire even if i don't verbally say it everyday that God will wrestle with me and both wound me and bless me. Dangerous thing to do i think, and i often wonder whether i should have prayed this because God takes us at our word. I really am glad though, because i think in being wounded he opens me to realize i need Him much more and he hekps me to draw closer to Him. Why do so many horrible things happen???? i think this over and over each day and see many others ask on their blogs or in conversation or in a facial expression WHY???? What keeps coming back to me is the reality that God experienced the WORST of any and all bad things to EVER happen in life!!! We might not EVER get an answer to why???? But, we have an answer in the TRUTH HE SUFFERED THE MOST!!!

I was looking through a book I have called *Handbook of Christian Apologetics* by Peter Kreeft and another ( Kreeft is an excellent author btw) they have a section on the problem of evil as well as freewill vs predestination. I found some very good stuff there. Al of us, to some extent or another, are insane!!!!!!!! Yes, that's right CRAZY!!!!!!!!! Ever since adam & eve, we ALL have been a lil kookoo. God is present wanting to have relationship with us and we blow Him off because we think or feel like there is something he hasn't shared with us or that we are missing. Same old tired lie satan has told since day one. Why does that lie affect us STILL????? Why do I find myself at times wondering is God good??? really good???? is He really totally perfect love as His Word says??? Is he God as He declares Himself to be???? I don't want these questions!!! i want to love trust obey relate to and with God like my breathing I don't think about it i JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!! yet, i do not have a conversation with my breath i do not want a relationship with my breath or my lungs. O hey breath wow you sure are in rare form today whoohoo go you!!! LOL nope nope not quite ready to be on a streetcorner talking like that YET!!!!!!!!!!


Choice and force 2 of my favorite terms to contemplate forced to choose ah that's the rub. Sometimes God just leaves an impression within me that is SO crytal-clear so simple and obvious. At other times i scramble to get my head on straight and rest in His promises and that He is always the same in His character. He is a lover and He wants me to love Him freely not out of compulsion and he wants me to know He loves me more than i could ever know but He makes me search and desire and want to know this is how He cares about me. A complex yet simple God all at once. Help me to want to wrestle more and more and to share it with as many who want to.