yes to getting well

i just read the latest post on my friend barbaras blog at prodigal daughter. She refers to Jesus confronting the lame man by the pool and asking him if he wanted to be well. Bjk at in the quiet also had a compelling post today. I am trying to sort through all the protons neutrons and whatever other ons are inside my brain seeking what i need to take from the wisdom within their posts. I do want to be well but so often I make choices which conflitc with that. I have areas i need to change or repent from and yet find myself goiung back to them for no clear reason. i want to be one who thirsts and hungers after righteousness and His kingdom, but i so often settel or turn to other things. Part of me gets blocked because I start to seek to focus on changes I want to make or new directions I believe He is leading me towards, and i become stuck in my head. I have so many thoughts so much i want to do i just become paralyzed by all the stuff running inside me. Anyone else experiences this????

I know for me the renewing and transforming of my mind is something that has taken on new meaning this past year. A whole lot of my theological understanding and basic ways of seeing things has become one of flux meaning i am in a state of wonderment seeking to find level ground which I want to come from Him. How do I get to the place where I AM fully seeking righteousness and hungering after God???? Where i am seeking His kingdom and His righteousness first???? All this while living life as it needs to be lived. Just how is that anyhow??? Francis Schaeffers classic *How Should We Then Live?* I need to reread that again, its been a long time. I want to give God that heart ready response *do with me anything You want i trust You* and wonder just what that does involve as i do it???? I am so used to analyzing and secondguessing and being cautious, I need to learn how to thin kand act in ways which make these desires an active pursuit I can recognize and know Im doing. I am so glad there are many of you out here pursuing the same pathways on the journey. I know some of the answers to prayers have been YOUR blogs!!!!! I pray that sometimes what i share is an answer to someones prayer because that is a major motivation to blog at all to have God use it!!!!!!!!!! I pray the resistance i have in me that tries to keep me from moving closer and more yielded to God will lessen and lessen as i DO develop a deep deep thirst and hunger for Him and His righteousness!!!!