struggle

Lots and lots of wisdom,insight and sharing from the heart on so many blogs. I have to think that the invention of the printing press was one of THE most important inventions ever in that it allowed all the people access to the Bible as well as whatever literature was around. The net is amazing in how quickly the thoughts of anyone can be seen by so many. I wasn't sure what to title this post so I decided on a generic one for almost any occasion.

Death is the scariest of all experiences we face in life, imho anyway. It was not supposed to be something we were ever meant to experience, at least that is the implication from the consequences of the sin of adam & eve. Physical death is not the issue though in Eden- spiritual death is. Physical death already occurred before their sin, the dinosaurs. I wonder why God created them,and made no mention of them in His Word??? It is widely held that the Creation narrative in genesis, as well as the story of adam & eve are poetic and not literal. I know alot of what is written in the prophets and psalms is this genre but adam 7 eve??? I wonder if physical death DID occur prior to their sin and what exactly DID spiritual death mean???? Separation from God obviously. Jesus is the *second adam* and restores relationship with God. I have been so scared of the experience of physical death and the possibilities of what can happen after. RWK at *today at the mission* has an excellent post,so much depth, concerning trying to get a handle on seeming contradictions of Gods character and actions in the OT. I struggle with those questions as well as the ones concerning our state as humans.

Because of sin, we all deserve hell, we all deserve banishment and punishment from and by God. Jesus came, took on our identity, willingly died in our place having lived as one of us, facing ALL the temptations we do and never giving in,overcoming death and the penalty of sin so we could be freed from it. THAT IS GOOD NEWS!!!! it is also an important reason why a REAL PHYSICAL JESUS and not just a symbolic jesus or a mythic jesus matters!!! Paul says in corinthians *if Christ has not been raised then we are still in our sins and have no hope and are ultimately the most foolish of anyone* Relativism tries to make anything and everything possible, but it really ends up making nonsense and damaging the truth which God has given us to know and experience. Ok, lil rabbit trail there.

I struggle with the expectations of God. He tells us he knows we are but blades of grass, here today gone tomorrow, yet He loves us enough to count the very numbsers of hairs on our head. He rejoices at having us come back to Him, such as in thge prodigal son, yet He talks about punishing those who fail to produce fruit and be productive as in the parable of the talents. He tells us Jesus will give us rest and take away our burdens yet he asks for full obedience and to be willing to die to ourselves everyday let alone every second. he asks usa to live by faith and yet also asks us to demonstrate our faith by our works, although our works are *filthy rags* and mean nothing in and of themselves.

I want to live in faith and obedience. i seek to. I cry out to God either verbally or silently to surrender to Him more and more each day. I find myself set free from some struggles attimes and caught up seemingly endlessly in others. i want to live in holiness and truth and grace and love, in integrity and yet have blwn those ideals so much , so often. Following Jesus is not about performance and yet seems like in Scripture there is alot that IS about performance. I am just pouring out my insides here. i get so challenged by others, my head becomes so full of so much. i hope i am making sense and communicating of value here. I just wonder at the idea of being able to become and live the life desribed which talks of being the *new creation8 and living in the power of the Spirit free from shackles of sin. I sabotage myself way too much, God has to place Himself inside me so i can live as He calls me to. I pray it is Him nudging me to lay outthese thoughts on here to help me more and more to do that very thing!!!!