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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, October 06, 2007


I love reading peoples blogs. So cool to peek in and get a glimpse of their life whatever it may be like. I think that no snowflake is ever duplicated???? All of them are entirely unique??? Well no 2 lives are the same ever either. Incredulous how alike spme people can be and yet alrogether different as well. Even isentical twins have the exactly alike/complete opposite dynamic in many ways. What a piece of work is man.

God calls us to trust Him and to love Him. it is taught by some, not sure if its kohlberg,piaget or another developmental psych type that we are like a *tabula rasa* when we are born a *blank slate* I dont think so. I think God places something within us even as we are fresh from our mothers womb and it just gets nurtured as we develop. Atheists may claim God doesnt exist but there very ability to formulate the belief begs the question of Gods presence. I have known a few atheists,one was even a roommate in Bible college, he went to a secular university lol. usually got along fine with them. Emotional struggles seemed to loom largest as far as their problem with God far beyond intellectual ones.

I find it hard to deal with how when I look up books or articles and research journals or other helps of this nature, emotions seem to be discarded as though they were pieces of garbage to be thrown out. Questions and probing the vastness of the problem of pain and suffering or evil or determinism vs freewill are so often treated as though ONLY rational and intellectual reasoning should be deemed fitting for reflection. Any attempt to inclide emotion is passed on and relegated as immature. I cant say this happens all the time as an absolute blanket statement but i have come across it often enough for it to trouble me. Are we not our feelings??? Are we not our feelings??? I mean yes we need to balance them and not let them run eoughshod over us but all too often they do indeed get away with just that. Our emotiions and our feelings are the sparkplug inside the engine of ourselves with the motor of the mind. balance is tough to accomplish. I find that it happens easier in community alot but can also be more difficult in community as well.

I am not sure just exactly what im wanting to say here. I know my emotions dont act the way i want them to so often. My thoughts dont either. i want to think strong bold active courageous thoughts and my feelings keep me bound up fearful worried anxious and selfabsorbed to the point of paralysis. I have taken IQ tests and the result calls me a *word warrior* saying Im very adept with words. One of the reasons i love blogging so much. Funny how I find it so hard to say those words and act on them in so many situatioins where i find myself challenged. Tony Myles over at Dont Call Me Veronica made a post that inspired this one. Self needs to be transformed, wants to be , yet so resists it at the sametime. I deeply want to follow Gods lead and let Him use me as He sees fit yet i also find ways to avoid Him doing that or just freeze and dont know how to just follow His call His lead. I dont even know how to qualify my fear so often it seems to be just a condition i have allowed myself to be in like a bad habit you just cant shake. I see Gods hand as i read so many blogs and yes thats a personal observance but we all make them. Who is anyone to have the brashness to say they see God at work??? Yet how dare we not if we are seekers of Him??? Tension not contradiction but tension(thanks tony)

I have tension in wanting to give it all to God because He IS GOD and He IS able to handle everything although i may find His way of handing things not to my preference and lking. Pain and struggle and tough going dont seem to faze Him much wish i could say the same o boy do i!!!!! I also want certain things my own way i want to have a certain control or my lil illusion at least and have the comfotableness of knowing how certain things will go and feel. Gods way can bring upheaval and unrest. can be uncomfortable and diturbing. Buts its GOD!!!!!!!!!! How can I NOT want to go along with GOD??? Hmmmmmm i wonder how many of us how many of those in the Bible asked that of themselves???/ In writing this post i see chinks snippets chseling done by He who is theMaster Sculptor. I see His work in others i see patterns i see uniqueness so hard to see it in myself so used to laying the smackdown on myself yet somehow in some small ways i see it . I see Him!!!!!!!! I pray transformation of myself will keep going and going lil by lil and he will help me to accept and be ok with that. Lil by lil!!!!!


At 12:39 AM, Blogger jennypo said...


The weakness you hate in yourself is the one you are using to give glory to our great God! Perhaps to Him it is more lovely than you suppose...

Many things will look different on the glory side. What's ugly and contemptible here may just prove to be beautiful there!

Don't hate even your weakness - it will be transformed into strength as God is lifted up in it. Depend on Him and His strength and praise him when you feel like giving up. Even if no human ever knows what you are going through, the angels will see and give glory to Him because of you - think of it! What honor! What purpose!

Thanks for all the glimpses you give of Him.

At 7:01 AM, Blogger Shaz said...

Amen to what Jennypo said xx


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