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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Leit It Be

One of the classic Beatles songs and yes layla Im a paul guy lol this post is not about the fab 4 however. The meaning behind the message is what im after. Blogosphere is alot like life it has twists and turns ups and downs thrills chills and spills. Sometimes it seems all is on a positive upswing then swoon dowwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn we goooooooooooooo oh watch out hairpin turn whiteknuckler hold onnnnnnnnnnn tightttttttttttttt ah easy relaxing so good oh no here we go again ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Hope that felt a lil like the round room at Disneyland when they show the rollercoaster in 3D motion!!!! Just dont get cybersickness on me k???? lol

I so wish i could just *let it be* Casually let life go on by not get caught up in so many various things that swirl inside my mind and heart. But is that really what i want???? Honestly no Emphatically no!!! Much as I feel like telling the world to stop i want to get off I cant imagine carrying on if it did!!! I asked God to wrestle with me a few years ago. I made that a truly specific prayer. Hmmmmmmm lets see since making that praer i have had a stent put in a clogged artery,gotten diabetes,experienced serious financial problems and had congestive heart failure. Just a walk in the park riiigghttttttttttttttttttttt as bill cosby likes to say. Of course i also have become more involved in my church,gotten closer to some friends,experienced wonderful encouragement and challenge from so many people thru blogging,had a deeper realization of God always being there regardless of the circumstances or if i FEEL Him or not. I wonder how the scales are tipping??? I definitely am dissatisfied with alot i have tolerated in myself and want to be broken so that i can move beyond what I think/feel/know has been limiting me from growing closer to Him and what He wants as far as active following.

I had a moment here, while writing this post. My body felt weird. MY head got a lil fuzzy and I felt a lil shaky a thought went thru my mind... stroke this could be it time to go cant be helped its just going to happen. And I just stood up and prayed for resting. If it happened what could i do??? I know i want to be able to have an attitude and thought of joy to be going and being with Jesus. I want to let go of the junk that clogs my thinking and expression of my faith as i want it to be. i am just very glad God is full of grace and mercy and love and accepts me with all the flaws and failures and will keep helping and prodding me bit by bit everyday to move closer and closer to taking on the full characteristics of His Son. Jesus in me Jesus in we. Hope of glory!!!!!


At 9:14 PM, Blogger Barbara (aka Layla) said...

I GUESS I can look beyond the fact that you are a Paul guy....

Seriously, it takes courage to ask God to wrestle, Robert. Even when if seems like the world is spinning and things aren't getting "better" I have seen your grow in just the time I have known you! You touch a lot of people with your transparency and your heart to be the man He wants you to be. We're all a work in progress, right?

Your friend,
A John Girl

At 9:15 PM, Blogger Barbara (aka Layla) said...

PS tell your mom we are waiting for more!

At 11:44 AM, Blogger karen said...

Geez, Robert, what trials you have. God must really trust you!
I walk this with you, brother.

Your friend,
a Paul girl!!


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