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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, March 23, 2008


Happy Resurrection Sunday!!! Today celebrates life true eternal life, complete victory over death!!!! So good to reflect on Jesus and who He is as well as what He has done, although that is a constant for everyday actually. There are 2 ladies who touched me so deeply as I read their blogs today. They share a blog called *If I had not believed* It is a blog about dealing with depression, which they both experience in their lives. Their names are kelly and heidi. They both have individual blogs as well which are great. many of you may already know them. I have read for a short time now but just today went to kellys own blog and was so moved by a post she made. She spoke of taking pictures of herself in her mirror and liking/loving the person she saw in the mirror as she took the pics. She was so precise in describing what she saw of her own face. Even more interesting because she took wedding photos as a job and was used to seeing glowing brides, who can compare to a bride on her wedding day right???

kelly was able to recognize and acknowledge her beauty. I took the step to let a friend post my pic on here. Many of you know my struggle with self-aceptance especially as far as physical appearance due to acne scarring frim when i was 12. I would post it here but a desire to be free from people not finding me who i wouldnt want to find me is my only reason for not posting it here. Sometimes I still question God as to why He allowed my face to have that happen. He surely knew the pain it would bring from outside and inside. The emotional tumult brings up deep hurt. Thanks to wonderful people and friends though, I have been able to look at myself and to see and like what i see. I have a good smile, cheery eyes and overall just decent average looking man. The pain i went through over the acne has made me more vulnerable and able to relate to people in ways I may not if i hadnt had that happen.

Kelly and Heidi shared alot more, about how depression has affected them, their view of themselves and God. Some of what they share is dark and rough, deep waters they have had to wade through. Much is light and joy in sharing how God makes paths to lead them to seeing how He is there and never abandons them. i am just touched to realize even more so that God is so good and is always with me even when I find it so difficult to feel or see Him,wanting to believe despite my unbelief. Just had to share as my heart was moved thank you kelly and heidi for sharing yourselves so openly!!! may God touch us all to let us know how loved we are by Him!!!


At 6:41 PM, Blogger Heidi said...

Awww, thanks for the shout out, Robert! I'm glad that our own processing/writing has been able to be an encouragement to you. Happy Easter!

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Barbara - Layla said...

Happy Easter, Roberto!

Thanks for sharing about Kelly and Heidi they sound like my kinda girls :)

I was so glad when you posted your photo recently....it was a huge step for you. You've come a long way in self acceptance and that makes me HAPPY. I hope some chick up in Oregon finds you one of these days because she will have a true gem.

At 5:08 PM, Blogger Kelly Jene said...

I'm sorry I missed seeing a picture of you. But I'm glad you are growing in self-acceptance. It is a daily struggle for me. I'll have to check out their blog. Take care!


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