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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Lost In Emotion

I was reading a study today that deals with becoming how God intended for us to be all around, mind,emotions and will. Made me think of how I have let my emotions take control and act as though they are running the show. I find i can maintain outer calm and control but inside is sheer turbulence often like a 747 going through a windstorm. It is so hard it seems when emotions get such a strong grip and won't let go.

I thought of Job and how when he was in the pit of his suffering and his wife was chiding him and his socalled *friends* were giving him negative advice, amongst all that he let his cry be *ya though He slay me yet will I trust Him* Wow. That still always floors me. I almost always want to escape and avoid or be rid of pain and suffering when it happens. i think almost all of us do as a natural reaction. Job was able to praise and cling to God at its worst. When i hurt emotionally or physically so often I am tempted to wonder where God is and when will He rescue me??? Reality is that He is there always even if the suffering gets worse and is prolonged, even if i would die. I need to let the truth of His promise and His Word be more real than the pain and emotion and irrational thoughts that seek to run ramrod in my mind during it.

One of my struggles with this is the thought that once i fully embrace the statement of job and accept it fully, that God will let something happen as a test and i won't be ready as i thought i was. This eats at me because it is a constant problem anytime I am faced with possible severe pain and suffering. i want to accept it and believe fully God is with me even if i were to die but my mind fills with shane and guilt over all the past ways i failed and lacked obedience and intestinal fortitude. Feeling the reality of grace and love from God in a way other than mentally has been a difficulty i have had , though not always. I am finding babysteps to improve this and hopefully more posts like this will further that along.

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