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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Worth the Price

A few of us at my church try to get together every other week to have some bonding time and just hang out sharpening each other on understanding and interpreting Scripture. We all are quite diverse from each other and often have quite spirited, lively discussions which make for a fun evening. This past tuesday we ended up focusing upon the meaning of the Kingdom of God. Is it present now?? Is it still to come??? Looking at many verses I think both statements are true. When Jesus was born, He brought the Kingdom to earth. But many aspects of the Kingdom are yet to be fulfilled.

As I looked on google for various sites discussing the Kingdom of God, I was struck by one site which spoke of how we need to return to a God-centered view of reality. The biggest ruin of the fall was our loss of centering life on God as opposed to ourselves. God is God. He desires to recieve glory from His creation and He deserves it because He IS!!!! My whole lifelong struggle with being afraid of death is entangled in this whole question. My dads death hit me deeply emotionally and it affected my way of seeing and trusting God. Mentally I can take in the reality of how sin causes a rupture and chaos, and can result in cancer happening as well as death. Emotionally though it still left me with trails of wondering as to God being love and caring as He declares Himself. I have been looking through a wrong prescription when it comes to all this. God is Almighty and He chooses based on His perfection as God. My weaknesses i have in handling the realities of trials and tribulations in the world as it is ultimately are not handled by God in a way I have sought for them to be. His supremacy over all is my need to come to grips with dying to my self and fully embracing Him as having absolute control at all times.

I hate how i sound so often when i talk in these terms. It looks so foolish of me to have struggled as i have with my fears and self-centeredness, especially after all i have experienced throughout life. All I can say is that what happens in my mind and my processing of it all emotionally has been genuine and so different from what i know as i sit here and write or when i am around people and living life. Part of me has had this attitude like. *bozo, you know all this and have known it forever really. Why are you always chasing your tail when it comes to death and fear and all that?? Accept what you know and get on with it* Well, just possibly I DON'T know it all and do have legitimate struggles which is innate to my humanness???? I hope this all makes sense and doesn't sound like gibberish. I truly do grow from all the processing through and sharing with all of you. He is worth the price!!!


At 7:11 AM, Blogger Becky said...

have 'contempt for contempt', wrestle with that :) ...self contempt, beating yourself up....
Robert He made you and loves you just as you are...that you wrestle with all of this brings you closer and closer to Him.....THAT is one of the reasons I am drawn here you just keep on wrestling through...


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