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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Friday, November 07, 2008

Celebrity Rehab

I was really touched watching this show tonight. Listening to some of the sharing by a few of the celebrities was so real. Rod Stewarts son tried to talk about how he now as a 20 something year old, was still trying to come to grips with his feelings about his missing his dad since he was 6!!! I think it can be easy to see this from a very cynical viewpoint as celebrities just doing the show for ego or vanity or who knows. I really felt a connection to some of them though in certain things they shared. I could see as they went through group and individual therapy sessions how they sought to hide from their pain, whatever it might be, by turning to drugs and alcohol. For most of them allowing their feelings to be felt and expressed was a very scary thing and almost overwhelming.

I am very analytical, but very feeling oriented as well. I veered towards psychology as i prepared to graduate high school, feeling very comfortable in that whole ballpark. Helped a lil by the fact my mom was a psych nurse perhaps, but I have been a good listener and one who likes to encourage and help people. I was thrilled by experiencing such a success in my 2 years at jr college. I had a 4.0 gpa for the first time ever and made the deans list, and also recieved a lot of compliments and encouragement from the psychologist/teachers i had in all my classes that I would eventually make a good counselor. Of course that was tempered by my own inner turmoil of self-sabotage and fears of inadequacy. It was and always has been so odd to me how i can be and feel so able and confident on one level and yet also feel so deficient and insecure all at the same time. I'm sure it doesn't help to throw in a helping of perfectionism and all or nothing thinking as well as my own skewed realization of my struggles simply as a flawed human being, which we all have whether be we be believers or not.

I really felt empathy with some of those celebrities. I have covered my pain by turning to fantasy over and over. i know even before ever becoming a christian, I needed to have sexual fantasy as an outlet in some way to show i was a *real guy* I mean even though I experienced rejection and ridicule in reality by girls due to looks and inability to communicate, i still needed a way to show myself that I liked girls and sex and could imagine how to carry it out if the opportunity presented itself. I hope that makes sense here and doesn't come across sounding really lame. All guys want to be able to be liked by girls and to have them want to be around you and make out or do some romantic stuff. I think the roots of alot of sex addiction are based in dysfunctional attempts to escape pain of not having a relationship with the opposite sex, be it a guy or girl. Why do I feel like I can't talk about this in a way i want to that sounds more cool or something???

Celeb rehab helped me see my need to let myself allow God to help me feel things i have sought to escape from and to know He understands why i sought to escape and He will help me to find people with whom i can share and let myself be fully vulnerable in ways other than by intellectualizing. Real healing by real feeling of real pain.

2 Comments:

At 3:34 AM, Blogger Romany Angel said...

To the outside world it probably seems that the offspring of celebrities lead a charmed life. They have all the money they could ever spend, go to the best parties, get whatever they want just by asking for it and yet so many of them are sad and unhappy with their lot.

Personally I think they have a huge handicap being related to someone famous and I wouldn't change places with them for anything.

 
At 4:58 AM, Blogger Cathy Weymouth said...

Wow, Robert, I can so relate to some things you share here... good grades in college, listening skills and interest in counseling, perfectionism...

 

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