could we start again please??

That is the title of a song sung by peter and mary magdalene in the musical play *Jesus Christ Superstar* They sing it right after seeing Jesus be taken away by the roman soldiers after judas betrays him. The lyrics are very cool, reflecting their wonderings about the entirety of their relationship with Jesus and what is going to happen to it now???? I wonder about this on and off can I start again please God???? Can i go back to when I first came to trust in Jesus and follow Him???? The thing is God lets that happen ALL THE TIME!!! Repentance is ONGOING which is incredibly cool!!!! Somewhere early on I caught a legalistic streak or maybe i had it in me from way earlier on ala the catholic upbringing. Grace is really a foreign concept to me EMOTIONALLY!!!! I fully understand and realize it mentally. i find it very easy to apply to OTHER PEOPLE not to myself, I fight unending battles inside my head ooooooooooooo they are fierce. When i have conversations with people about these issues it seems so crytal clear and I see how it comes together but somewhere inside those old tapes like to just play play play nonstop. Is it that until we leave this earth and go to be with God that we will always have some of this residue to deal with simply because we are in a fallen world???? Is it being a cockeyed optimist to think that we can rid ourelves of all sinful tendencies and attitudes while living this life??? As i read my own words im inclined to think yes it is lol I am especially vulnerable to harangue myself over fear, Anytime i have fear I beat myself up within trying to make it go away. Hmmmm like Dr Phil would say..... *hows that working for ya?* I cant just will fear to leave or conjure up some mojo to make it stop God and the Holy Spirit operate to have fear lessen and be vanquished. I need to fix my attention on Jesus to let Him take away all fears.

I try to end my posts positively, even when I have been talking very discouraged or hurting or whatnot because in spite of any and all pain and struggles i feel or face I believe and place my ultimate hope and faith in God Christ and the Holy Spirit to redeem me and make something good out of my pain or even my sin to create a positive because nothing is impossible with God!!!! I pray all of you in blogland recieve the joy peace love and grace only Almighty God can give!!!