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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Monday, September 17, 2007

Uprooted

Digging deep way far down pulling the roots out and replanting. Im having that kind of experience with God now i think. So long have been a moderately conservative republican and had my theology pretty wll layed out. God sure has seen to open my eyes to really see and ears to really here however. its been 23 years now since I heard Tony Campolo speak and with all the controversy surrounding him the most important part of his message sinks in and hits home so much more now. Take care of *the least of these* There is no glitz and glamour in doing that. No overpowering thrill of the Spirit slaying you, of some push of Gods breath sending tingles down your spine simply being a servant and meeting needs as they are mde known or even not visibly apparent.

Still dealing with fear. Can it be totally removed?? is it supposed to be??? Alot of my fear is just deep;y buried in my gut. i KNOW the answer to fear------------ trust in God!!!!! I have had many many incredible times of God touching me to alleviate fear in certain situations. So much of the time it seems to just float like a fog that hangs still motionless but everpresent, It is something where my feelings overwhelm my mind and faith and cause a *what if* to just fill my insides and mind like an electric shock. Some people are masters of their emotions. TEACH ME YOUR TRICK!!! I remember playing pingpong in lobby at seminary with the dorm dad. We were pretty evenly matched but anytime i felt a lil pressure to perform my emotions threw me off he was always pretty able to keep his under control and he told me if i ever learned that my game would be much better,

When i feel something in my chest or in my head fear hits a scared reaction like 8i dont want a heart attack i dont want a brain tumor or stroke* and i just hope it goes away. usually it has so far. My mind doesnt start singing it is well with my sou or blessed be the name of the Lord and it doesnt say oh yes Im going home to Jesus death take me now!! I really wish it would!!!! i have had countless times on my knees pouring out my heart to God to let that BE my automatic reaction when trauma or anxiety hit. At times i do sit and sing songs or psalms and just pray for His peace and comfort. Pray to rest in Him. Am i too black/;white on this???? Do some of you go through this??? I always come back to God and Jesus no matter what i go through just wish more and more i would begin and stay there more often!!!

4 Comments:

At 10:40 AM, Blogger bjk said...

I do know what you are talking about.....and 1 thing begin to celebrate somewhat that you DO HAVE emotions....true they are not to rule us but there are people who experience mad/sad/glad and they are as bound as we are conversely.

2nd I had to time and time again imagine the boat rocking and Jesus saying don't be afraid...remember that story. I had to realize that there is nothing out of His power and IF I was in something then He was with me and ...that's enough but I wanted you to know you are NOT alone and even more than any of us who may reply HE IS WITH YOU....love and prayers Robert, you were on my heart on my trip.

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Barbara (aka Layla) said...

Robertooooooooo......sorry i have been lacking in the comments buddy. Lots going on in my head. You ask here if fear ever goes away or if it is suppose to. That got me thinking. There are different kinds of fear and maybe some types will always be in us. I don't know. I wish we could all sit down and TALK about all this stuff!

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Smitty said...

Robert, Sorry that I too have been lacking in comments. There just hasn't been much for me to say lately. This post got me thinking. As you know, fear is a very paralyzing force for me. I think there is a healthy kind of fear that maybe doesn't go away, but keeps us in check regarding our relationship with God.

It's the other kind of fear we have to try and overcome. Yes, the Sunday school answer is to just trust God. So easy to say, so hard to do. Fear is a big scary monster that clouds our view of who God is. I don't have answers for you, just company on the journey.

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Thank you all so much!! Believe me I know about your head being filled lol I just enjoy comments anytime you want to leave some. kit is an unbelievable comfort to read all your blogs and to know we are journeying together along with so many others just want to savor the sharing and look ahead to sharing along the way

 

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