awakenings

I seem to be having many incidents of this description lately, many helped along by reading the lives of lots of bloggers. I really wish there was a way to create a magic room where we all could be transported in a 3-d image seated around a table and just have endless time to discuss anything and everything that came to mind. The thought of just where is God in relation to our lives has been a source of discussion lately a few places and one i sure ponder often.

Genesis is the book of beginnings after all it opens up *In the beginning God* a powerful and awesinspiring recount of creation is given and the masterpiece is of course the creation of humans well truth be told womans creation was the piece de resistance I mean adams comment has been said to literally have been WOW!!!!! God is Spirit He is a Person the Bible tells us of how He related to His creation in an anthropomorphic fashion. God is described as walking in the garden of eden and calling out to adam and eve. Here we see the poetic symbolic nature of the language used in genesis because God is not human and has no mouth. Just how is He personal???? What was the activity happening between He and adam & eve BEFORE the fall???? The *death* referred to by the snake as he tempted them had to be spiritual death since after they ate and sinned they were still physically alive so just what was the difference in them before they spiritually *died*???

I am in a state of flux about so many things now. Everything seemed to fit so nicely in a tidy lil theological box for so long and the last 2 years that box has been tossed and turned and made to spin like its caught in dorothys tornado in Wizard of Oz. I am a INFJ supposedly the rarest of all types. I like to be very logical and analytical and completely process things through yet i become so overwhelmed by my emotions. I have had fear be such a paralyzing force in me for so long with love seeking to push it away but my own struggle to accept that i can recieve love and can realize God made me worthy to be loved as He did everyone else. I think in many ways I appropriated fear as a weird way to exercise some control over what otherwise looms as uncontrollable and unsettling to handle psychologically or emotionally. Death is a reality it happens to all of us it launches us into eternity an eternity separated from God is neverending misery and despair. Eternity spent with God is beyond comprehension wonderful and amazing!!!!!

God is love He is my Creator and Maker He is Good why do I then and have i then so often day after day been afraid of Him,resisted,rebelled,ran,raged and returned??? The most awesome experiences ive had in life have been times of what were His love and peace just filling me and making me so aware of how good he is. Still i get all mixed up in my distortions and misconceptions as well as just my own selfishness. Heres to having more awakenings which lead me to closer intimate relating to Him