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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Lets Get Physical

O Olivia Newton- John wherefore art thou??? lol Just a lil tease heading to catch the eye. Barbara posted a very thoght-provoking post about physical appearance and the way we are judged and treated based upon it. This subject obviously resonated with many as she recieved a great many comments and emails. I posted on this a few months ago, just felt impelled to make another treatise seeing the interest so many have shown. First off I definitely agree and believe females face a much harsher and vicious treatment from society as a whole in regards to their looks. Advertising,movies,tv,models clothing styles the list is endless. Females are far more intensely scrutinized than us males. However, us males DO recieve our fair share of derision and rejection based upon our appearance.

I was a prototype of a Hitler youth as a lil kid for real blonde hair blue eyes although i had curly blonde hair lol I was always tall for my age and clumsy always had muscular upper body and thin bottom torso. I have flat feet and cant jump very well and i think possibly my run is affected, I waddle when i run o well not that big a deal. I have talked more pointedly about when i developed severe acne that lasted for 3 years no need to elaborate further there. I had to see a counselor while in seminary, we had a decent rapport. I applied for a job as a counselor to a group home, and I used him as a reference. I gotr the job, and somehow managed to see the forms my references filled out. On his form he made very disparaging remarks about my physical appearance!! This felt like a knife because he was the one I shared all my feelings and hurts with over how i had been rejected because of it. A few occasions I went to meet girls I had met on the phone or via a dating service, one met me in a parking lot at a mini mall told me she had to go to her car after talking for a few minutes and never returned. I called her to ask what happened she promptly said she bailed on me because she didnt like my looks. A few others told me they thought i was too heavy and just not attractive enough.

I need to post my pic on here as barbara did hers. i saw a few people say in their comments to her that looks dont matter. Pardon me for feeling like cussing right now. I truly wish they didnt matter. I have had times where it seemed i was viewed as fairly handsome. I had girls show interest in me while i was at jr college, but my inner self was not in tune with the outer self they seemed to see. Its still not. One thing is very scary about showing people your pic the possibility they will show rejection, dislike,disinterest. Especially if they are friends who support you and tell you it makes no difference what you look like but in actuality it turns out that it does matter. I think barbara hit the nail on the head when she shared that posting about this is so tricky. Very touchy issues here, self-esteem,value,acceptance,affection,friendship so many areas that deeply affect our very soul. I feel uncomfortable in another way,men are to be macho,ultra-masculine tall dark strong. I am not in the mold of what a man should be according to the normal standards. I am far too emotionally sensitive, shy around females and just not the personality style men are called to be, at least as far as what makes them attractive to females. Writing this is hard, it feels awkward and uncomfortable but it is a real difficulty I have faced in life. I am as masculine as the next guy and my overall physique bears that out Im a solid rock football player build with a few extra tonnage lol but my insides and my acting my personality out in so many ways differ so widely from that. Im sure growing up around females and having mostly female role models and influences has a lot to do with it. It is also just how Im wired internally.

I just wanted to share some of my experiences in life dealing with reaction to my looks. I hope it makes sense and provides another glimpse and insight into who i am and helps to become more of who I want to be. Thank you for stopping by, all comments desired.


At 12:43 AM, Blogger jennypo said...

Perhaps in eternity we will see souls instead of bodies. If that is the case, then we'd better let God get on with our extreme makeovers, because ugly here is going to last a little while, but we'll have our souls forever!
We can't choose the beauty we have in our bodies, but the beauty we bear for eternity will be the result of a choice.

At 1:04 AM, Blogger the_burning_bush said...

"One thing is very scary about showing people your pic the possibility they will show rejection, dislike,disinterest."

The torment of despair is precisely the refusal to be oneself.

Consider the unseen sorrow of the girl who dreamt to be a model, embraced for her visual exceptions, known by all, cherished for her appearances. She looked at herself in the mirror and said, 'My life is vain and empty, but if I succeed in becoming a renowned model, it will have great meaning.' Her plans failed, abandoned by her goals, the world, and appearances. The rains came down and the waters went up. One day she took her life ...

Or was she dead to begin with?

At 1:22 AM, Blogger the_burning_bush said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 7:51 AM, Blogger bjk said...

How can we become convinced it's not what other people think? How can we become convinced of what we are worth to Him, or maybe that THAT worth is more important than the other when the other is what we live with?
All stuff to muddle through and choose to believe differently than what we always have....those choices begin to break through and then maybe the next time it's easier.....
love in Christ Robert....keep writing. love b

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Barbara (aka Layla) said...

even though this sounds cliche its true: looks are only skin deep. I have seen you Robert, inside and out, and you are a beautiful person regardless of whatever is happening on the outside.

At 10:45 PM, Blogger Gypsy said...

Well this is an opportune post for me to weigh in on considering my purpose for visiting. I came by to thank you for your kind and sweet support of me in a difficult time. Your comments have meant a great deal to me Robert and you just ooze goodness from every pore.

I hear what you are saying and though it shouldn't matter what we look like on the outside, sadly it always will.

The wonderful thing about the blogosphere though is that people get to know you mostly without ever seeing what you look like. They get to know the person you really are and looks don't even play a part.

I will say this to you Robert, anyone who rejects you because you are not aesthetically pleasing enough for their liking is not worthy of your time or trouble. You are a sweet, caring gentleman and I would sit down and spend time with you any day of the week.

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Dawn said...

It's easy to say that our physical appearance isn't important and that the opinions of others doesn't affect us. Easy to say... but not so easy to feel....
I too wrote a post on Barbara and the courage it took to show herself to the world. I found her to be a very beautiful woman... I wish she could see herself the way I do.
I thought it was a woman thing... but after reading your post... I'll have to re-think that!
Thanks for stopping by!


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