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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Monday, October 29, 2007


That is a word becky over at *inthequiet* uses alot when she comments. Keep on trudging. It is sage advice and serves as a good reminder that the journey is tough and its definitely a marathon so trudging is necessary sprinting will only leave you worn out and depleted of the energy you need for the entire length of the race. i am wondering as many on here seem to be lately why does it seem to get harder and rougher to follow Jesus in the way we believe we are called to????

We all have differing pressure points vulnerabilities which affect our moods and attitudes as well as our will and ability to act. It is simply amazing how we all are so very different yet so much alike. Only God could pull off such a feat. One the greatest blessings i believe comes from blogging is that you discover *im not alone there is another who knows and understands what im going through* I just was looking over a newsletter tonight from *faithful and true ministries* It is a ministry to those with sexual addiction. It has a whole host of resources and supplies alot of wisdom and grace in reaching out to those of us who struggle in this way. There are innumerable addictions out there and just as many ways in which we can find ourselves caught up in things which lead us astray from God and the direction He desires for us in life. i think satan and our own penchant to beat on ourselves really rips us off when it comes to breaking free of whatever it is that hinders us by using guilt shame secrecy silence and shields to try and avoid dealing with whatyever it is that lured us from Gods path. The most diabolical lie of all time has to be the one where satan made God appear to be the bad guy. Satan disguises himself as an *angel of light* thereby also create an illusion of God as negative.

I have a whole host of thoughts swimming around in my cranium, hope to be able to articulate them coherently. Trying to escape pain is one of the biggest causes for choosing something other than God. The thing is no matter what the sedative may be it only works SHORT TERM!!! Only God the Father, Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit can give us peace that lasts forever. What I want to pursue is cooperating with God in the best way to let that happen. Distortions of who God is and how He feels about me drive so much of what messes me up in living. It hurts even moreso because I have the knowledge of who He really is and have had the experiences of Him showing me yet still have these maneuvers i make going off other directions than what is the most excellent way. This is a lifelong struggle and hopefully everyday I am guided to seek to rest it all in Him a lil more and a lil more and a lil more.

Sometimes you have concepts in your head and it doesnt come out as you want it to when writing. i want to let go of what keeps the fear shame and guilt festering inside. God definitely has answered my prayer to wrestle I want to respond by seeking Him and all He says in His Word telling Him i want to let go of fear that hides Him and cuts me off from seeing Him and living in faith the way I desire so much to do. Just a real prayer to grow and mature more only can be done with His power.


At 7:02 AM, Blogger bjk said...

good stuff Robert....here's a guy you might 'enjoy'....love being on the journey with you.....


At 7:25 AM, Blogger jennypo said...

I so want to do this too. If I can just get out of the way, God can make me into something real! I'm so glad He keeps trying, even though I jam up the works by running away from facing the pain.
You nailed it when you said the problem with the sedative is that it's only a short term fix - God wants to set us free. Oh, I hope I can let him set me free!
Thanks for the encouragement. It does seem that many are struggling lately. It helps to know I'm not the only one.


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