Crying Out

O God You know all things You know all my thoughts and feelings even ones i have which I dont know are there or can formulate. I want so much to be free from things which bind me and keep me from letting Your Spirit lead and guide. I have had cwertain fears that have been tearing at my insides since a very young age I confess i think I have let emotions and fragileness of my self at seeing my dads death and just the relity of death itself become like a noose around my neck in a spiritual/emotional way. I know Jesus resurrected and overcame death Father God yet somehow I feel and believe I am disqualified from resting in the assurance of His salvation. I dont want to think or feel this God and alot of it stems from my wanting control over things only You have control of. Also because of sinful choices i have made even as a longtime believer. It is scary to face these fears God but You make it easier and possible more and more. Help me to accept and face the things i need to so I can live in freedom of fearing my place with You. Help me to not worry about what others may think about what i share and worry about being rejected or abandoned. Help me to do whatever it is You call me to do to be a *living sacrifice* holy and acceptable to You. Help me to do this the same way i breathe to do it to the point where i dont even think about it it becomes that normalized. Help me to be able to take captive all my thoughts to the obedience of Christ so that i can have His Mind and help me to understand all that is meant by that so i can do it as You mean for it to be done.

You know i have such unmet inner cries from ways I avoided pain in childhood and have become so skilled at keeping the wounds covered. Age doesnt make these wounds go away dear God so help me to let You do whatever You need so I can let Your presence be what is strongest and most present always in my mind and heart. I love You God and trust You despite the ways i fail to love You and trust You ao much everyday. Work in me help me let me be able to know Your love in Christ that You say is so incredible we cant even begin to ever humanly comprehend it. Help all of us find seek and recieve this love of Yours!!!! AMEN!!!