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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Monday, November 26, 2007

Life is Layers

I always have liked that analogy of the onion, how it peels off layer upon layer upon layer. I think it applies quite wonderfully to life. I came across an old message while clearing out my email box and it reminded me a huge reason why I make the posts I make on here. All of us have so much that affects us in our lives. We are impacted by both good and bad forces,some by our own doing others just by mere fact that we live in a fallen existence where sin causes disruption of the perfect paradise God originally created. Guilt and shame accompany us as a result of actions done to us or actions we have carried out upon others, and the 2 lethal poisons of the spirit can create deep tears inside us that can cause us to hide or lash out in order to somehow alleviate the inner pain we experience.

I do have a deep portion of these 2 poisons inside over various occurrences in the past. I do know that secrecy and hiddenness many times serves to deepen the entrenchment of these 2 inside. Sharing and willingness to risk what may happen as a result become freeing and a source of healing. Many different people come by and read our blogs, diverse backgrounds and personal approaches to life. One never knows who may be hurting over something that breeds shame and guilt and what we might share could possibly make a difference in that persons life. This hope helps me when I worry or think Im sharing way too much and too personally about things i am or have struggled with in my life.

In thinking again about fear of death some thoughts came to me. God never intended us to experience death, it is a result of our freewill and choosing to go against Gods command ultimately. Death is such a huge penalty that God saw it would take something beyond belief to happen in order to overcome it--------- God becoming human and then dying as a human in order to overcome death and restore us to our unblemished relationship with God. If Jesus Himself had to die in order to live how can I even question myself going through it???? After all His promise is to take us to be with HIm for eternity once we pass from this earth. My trouble always seems to be I let my imagination go wild and see all the terrible images ive seen on tv and in movies or magazines cross my mind, as well as the pain of seeing my dad physically dead and buried in the ground as well as losing other relatives and friends to death. I always come back to the promise made in Scripture of all who place their faith in Christ and the assurance He gives us. But in waek moments or just when my mind wanders I have the scary thoughts and fears hit and as a result a whole snowball effect takes place where i begin wondering about just how solid is my faith if i even have these thoughts and on and on it goes. The idea of absolute perfection and being entirely free of fear guilt and shame is a haunting thing i struggle with. I know and believe Jesus Christ lived died rose from the dead and lives now wanting to see His life replicated in us. Iam in the process of changes in the entire way I see life and the lens i see it through. I get glimpses of God showing me how He is helping me to realize these changes. I am especially grateful for all those bloggers and how sharing their lives serves to encourage embolden and empower me to pursue the call day by day.


At 6:24 AM, Blogger bjk said...

In reading Matthew this past week, the story of Peter's walking on water I was struck with how they had just witnessed the incredible miracle of the loaves and fishes and then Jesus sends them out on the water where they are 'buffeted by the wind'.....Jesus comes out to them and Peter walks on the water with Him and then Peter 'sees the wind' and sinks....the wind was always blowing but until he saw it, looked away from the eyes of Christ he didn't sink....Like you Robert trying to follow and not see the wind....wondering if it's more seeing Him in the wind.....probably doesn't make sense but what I'm wrestling with and you know I love to wrestle....love the journey with you and reading what He shows you THANKS love your Sister in Christ...becky


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