pain and peace

Those 2 are complete opposites arent they??? can peace be found when there is pain??? A major part of me says no way jose but as I reflect on Jesus life His words and teaching and actions I begin to wonder. He endured the greatest pain anyone will ever be made to bear. He relied on God all the way through. He knew complete obedience to God His Father was the only way. He knew He had to die and He had His struggle in absolutely following through.

His Word teaches there are 2 options after death, with Him or apart from Him. Heaven is perfect paradise of eternal life forever in Gods Presence no more dealing with sin or temptation or anything other than His love.. The other is hell total darkness weeping gnashing teeth anguish pain torment that never ends no hope nothing of God at all. Who wouldnt be afraid of that?? Jesus salvation overcomes the sting of death which is sin and punishment for rebelling against God. Jesus is the ONLT ONE who lived a perfect obedient life never *missing the mark* of Gods perfect standard No matter how good any of us are we can never be *good enough* to earn Gods acceptance and favor, or His love. Grace takes care of that. Grace and Jesus along with the Holy Spirit enable us to respond to God with grateful hearts so filled with love because of what He has done for us. This is the *good news* the Gospel!!!

Why then the fear struggle inside??? Perfect love casts out fear so if i have fear somehow Im not perfected in love. He calls me to trust and obey and He made it possible by coming dying resurrecting why then do i still cringe at just following His lead??/ He declares nothing absolutely nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord why then do I fight these demons inside that want to do things my way in opposition to His??? We all have them dont we??? For some its alcohol;drugs,sex.food,anger.workaholism,perfectionism,denial, the list goes on and on. I fight with myself in posting these struggles all the time because my deepest desire is to encourage to be a pastor to build up and cause smiles and all this is like a downer it feels. yet in sharing openly hopefully it becomes an encouragement to someone who may be facing similar struggles likeminded issues and needs to know and hear God is still there despite finding it rough to feel Him or turn to Him for whatever reasons inside. I have had lil intimations throughout the day that no matter what no matter what kind of way death happens no matter what form of suffering takes place and that includes mental and emotional which can often end up being more excruciating than physical, that God IS THER!!! He IS here!!! He knows and understands all my stuff whatever it may be and He wont turn me away and cast me out for struggling with fear and addictive sin patterns in my life. Those glimmers are great hope. I am so thankful for all the prayers I know have been offered up by so many. Im so grateful for being able to pray for so many able to let Him know im glad He let me encounter them and knw them even if its only a few posts or comments on here. God is so huge. I limit Him way too much when I let my fears narrow my focus and my sphere of vision. I want for life to just go and not be turned sideways but how insane is that??? He is here always despite whatever happens that includes good bad indifferent. Ultimately He will bring me to Him for eternity. i want to be accepting and thrilled to go to let go of the fear that tries to deny my admittance to Him. Thank You for loving me despite my resistance and my fear and fighting you Almighty God. help me to trust You and rest in You more and more as the song says DAY BY DAY!!!!!