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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Death and Sex

Now that i have your attention lets talk about taxes LOL not really. These 2 themes seem to stand out as reocurring again and again throughout my life. it is a general consensus that our basic personality is shaped and in place by the time we are 4. Wow. That always struck me as amazing considering the longevity we always are in puruit of as far as long lifetimes. I can recall my relatives talking about someone who died when i was around 6 i think, it didnt sound good at all. I saw some movies at the drive-in people got killed in them I think stuck impressively in my mind. My father died when i was 8 as i have mentioned lots on here, and actually going to see him at his open casket wake or whatever you call it. I went up with my mom and sister and looked at him, actually touched his body. How could this be him??? How could he be dead like that??? Part of me has always been irrational and a lil crazy when it comes to facing/accepting the reality of death. I always wonder how bizarre am I in my own lil way of dealing with death as i do. But I look around and notice so many dont believe in life after death, even the entire Isrealite culture before Jesus had no understanding of resurrection. Prophets foretold of it occurring when Messiah came but, much like the Sadducees during Jesus time, they did not believe in an afterlife.

I have always been a pretty naive lad gullible i guess you could say as well. My mom was a nurse, became a school nurse for awhile. She had a film about where babies come from which was shown to the older grades. Naturally my friends on my block when they found out she had this wanted to watch it. I tried to tell my mom after seeing it that the movie was messed up and wrong. I cant recall just exactly what I thought about procreation but it was different from the real way lol I saw movies that portrayed sex in a graphic way beyond my years as well. We saw barbarella with jane fonda when I was 7 forget what age most kids discover self-pleasuring well once i saw jane in that sexy outfit I found out i knew how to selfpleasure and it became a regular thing mostly as an escape when feelings got to intense no matter what they might be caused by. I had older kids on my blkock who served to further stimulate my overactive imagination by telling stories about sex and painting word pictures. Intense feelings were stirred up by these word images which developed into ingrained habits over time.

God is greater than death or sex. God overcame death, God is more amazin gand incredible than sex. I guess i make this post because these 2 themes more than any other have affected me aside from God. I have this inner voice as we all do which tries to make an outline of how things should be understood and played out. Sometimes it seems to be totally clear. many times its very foggy and unclear. I had a very solid time last night just meditating on God and Jesus and how they are unchanging, regardless of my thoughts or feelings. Helped me as I fcoused on Their love and grace which did not shift or change and helped me to seek to maintain that realization no matter how these 2 themes tried to pull me in different directions. I wonder if you out there have had your own struggle with these 2 themes over your lifetime??? Maybe not curious to hear that as well. Just some food for thought and reflection.

Hoping happy holidays and healthy happenings as 2008 soon arrives!!!!


At 5:39 AM, Blogger Gypsy said...

Maybe your fear of death is ingrained in you from losing your father at such a young and impressionable age. I'm sure you have probably already considered that yourself. I think most people fear it in one way or another whether its fear of the unknown, fear of losing someone else to death (that one worries me a lot) or fear of the cause of actual death.

You are lucky that you have your faith which sounds as if it gives you great comfort. Now speaking of sex, which you were at some point, that happens to be the subject of my blog today so pop over and reveal all my friend.

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Gypsy said...

Just stopping by to wish you and your family a very Happy Christmas and may 2008 be full of blessings for you Robert. Love & kisses, Karen xx

At 1:46 PM, Blogger karen said...

wow...another gypsy Karen! cool!

Merry Christmas, Robert! Thank you for your transparency. Blessings!

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Shaz said...

Merry Christmas Friend Death is a part of life and I have no fear of that just the pain when I loose some one to it.
Great Post

At 3:38 PM, Blogger Awareness said...

Merry Christmas Robert. I'm catching up on your blog....I'm sorry it's been a while. Thank you so much for the comment a while back about my post on self sufficiency. I'm glad it got you thinking. :)

As far as death and sex......as inevitable as taxes aren't they?!

Like Shaz states, death is a part of life, and may I add, so is sex.

Both are natural events.......both run the gamut of emotions......from sorrow to joy.

At 6:02 PM, Blogger karen said...

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you, Robert!
I'm trying to live in the NOW and stop dwelling on the past and future. It's hard.

At 3:41 AM, Blogger bjk said...

all the best in 2008 friend....



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