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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, December 01, 2007

let go let God

This is a platitude and cliche phrase i have heard often over the years. It contains a real truth about Gods power and how He works in our weakness, although Im not sure just how effectively it works when said to people who are hurting and in need of it in the midst. Life is built around relationships. Relationships move,grow,change. If they just stay the same then staleness happens, at least it would seem so. God created us for relationship. A huge buzzphrase that has been around a long time *Christianity is not religion its relationship* So true,and so incredible how unique each persons relationship witrh God becomes.

Dana at *awareness* had a very profound post on her place about our pursuit of self-sufficiency and individual achievement. Rugged individualisn surely has been an american trait, but is it a christian one?? Do we really need to pursue our *personal relationship with Jesus*? Reading danas post, thinking about community, the *one anothers* all throughout Scripture, I really think not. God Himself is relationship, the Trinity. He created man AND woman, I think He really knew what He was doing in that regard. Muhammad Ali went to Zaire Africa back in 1974 i believe it was to fight George Foreman for the Heavyweight Championship. Ali went over early to be around the people and let them see him. He gave a speech, and all who can recall Ali when he was in his prime recall how charismatic a speaker and personality he was. He basically said 2 things... * We Not Me* That can sum up the Church pretty solidly.

Tony Myles at *dont call me veronica* made a post today answering the question i posed to him about handling fear. He was right it does come from a very personal place. He gave a response that really hits the nail on the head. Fear is present and it can be huge, but we have a choice, to go against it. This reflects my title of this post. I can choose, even by not choosing that ultimately is a choice. Freedom really is scary. Look at the Israelites, Gods chosen people and whom He performed miracles for and even gave physical evidence of His Presence to when they had the ark of the Covenant. They turned away from Him so easily despite His active Presence. I know believe and trust in God,seek to follow and obey Jesus as Lord and Savior and also so often struggle with fear of Him,with experiencing Him in a negative way, especially thru illness or something that causes pain as well as death. This is emotional, not mental. I want that deep personal intimacy with Him,yet i choose actions and have feelings that hide from Him,fight Him,cause distance between us, and I dont understand fully why I do this. I really feel crazy at times within my own skin because of the rollercoaster I experience in relating to God each day.

I am in flux right now, my prayer to wrestle with God, well He has answered, and not as i pictured He would but He has. I cant settle for certain things i did before and i cant just seek to let fears roam inside my mind and heart The truth of His character and His love and grace, I want to experience in my depths emotionally/relationally as opposed to fear and abandonment and lack of closeness. This will definitely be ongoing and a daily choice, a choice i want to make. I just realize that YOU yes all of you out here in bloglamd are integral parts in helping me do that!!!!!!! I know so many prayers offred up have helped me as well as extended caring friendship and love so cool how God works through His chosen vessels people!!!! I pray God helps me to choose faith and love over fear and self more and more moment by moment!!!!


At 6:46 AM, Blogger Tony Myles said...

I love how you're processing this, dude.

At 10:50 AM, Blogger bjk said...

me too.....

At 7:23 AM, Blogger bjk said...

I watched First Knight last nite and thought of you and really all of us who have this fear...Arthur questions Lancelot at one point about how he ran through the gauntlet, succeeding where so many others failed...he said in fear many turn back when maybe they need to go forward.....
for whatever that's worth just wanted you to know how I thought of you watching that movie....so wish we could get together and really talk.....listen to each other.....love your sister becky


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