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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, December 09, 2007

thinking feeling

i went and saw the movie *awake* yesterday. The premise is a guy wakes up while under anesthesia but cant make it known hes awake, that doesnt spoil the details for any who will see it. I have had a few surgeries where i had to be put to sleep, and this possibility freaked me out!!! I have shared my struggle with fear openly here especially fear of death, this movie was tough to watch at times lol It is awesome though how God has blessed me with peace almost everytime once i was actually there and going through the surgery. My imagination sure likes to run wild though beforehand.

As i watched the movie my mind was awhirl with thoughts. I was thinking wow i sure hope i dont ever have that happen my heart better be ok sure hope nothing happens to me while sitting here watching this movie God I know your here help me to just relax and know You are here why do i let fear affect my thoughts and feelings???

On and on the whole time following the movie and all. Why do we have such a flood of thoughts at times and others its like our minds are in slow motion??? I think the thoughts/feelings just get triggered as well by things either positive or negative. Lots of timed wild thoughts run through my mind ones i certainly dont ask for or seek to have. Cuss words raunchy thoughts sexual desires angry outbursts luckily they pass on through as fast as they enter. Other times i can have a long string of purely positive loving serving self-surrendering thoughts which I sek to keep inside and aid with prayer. Paul tells us in Philippians to be anxious about nothing, Jesus says not to worry. Why does that tend to be so hard so often??? *To live is Christ to die is gain* Spelled out direct and clear so why do I feel i still need to think dying is bad and something to try and escape or avoid at all costs??? Why do I want to put myself or my desires or my life against Jesus and God??? I guess that has been the million dollar question ever since the garden of Eden. Why did Adam and Eve rebel against God and seek to be like Him instead of accept His boundaries on relationship with Him????

We are studying Isaiah in sunday school right now . Tough old prophet that Isaiah. A prophecy is made concerning the king or ruler of Babylon, and in it is a reference made about *the bright morning star* in king james lucifer is used. This brought up a discussion, just who is satan??? The name satan means *adversary* or *one who opposes* There is an interpretation that satan is not a supernatural being but actually our sinful nature,our adversarial nature which sets itself in opposition to God and seeks to place itself on the throne and make itself God. Dont start screaming *roberts a heretic* lol this is an interesting take on satan I have come across and need to explore more. Jesus said out of the heart of man come all manner of evil and wickedness and God has said mans heart is evil who can know it. is it possible our thoughts and feelings which we experince that fight against God and His will come from within ourselves and part of us which is a nature set to war against God???

Job talks about God being questioned by satan and challenged to test jobs faith and obedience. Ephesians talks about the principalities and powers, the spiritual forces at work,Peter describes satan as a roaring lion seeking whom he would devour, Jesus was tempted by satan in the desert before telling him to go away. In thinking about this last example it makes me think Jesus had only ONE nature GOD since He is God Incarnate. If satan is our evil nature as opposed to being a supernatural being/fallen angel then where was he coming from with Jesus??? i just wanted to open this up for discussion because i found it interesting I hope many of you may have ideas that broaden the scope and give increasing insight. The Bible again is fairly quiet on the whole origin of satan evil beginning of sin before adam and eve and the creation of hell and all that. Just seeking input from as many of you as desire to give your best shot. God doesnt give us all the answers but thgnkfully He gives us THE ANSWER!!!! Grace and peace to all!!!


At 9:12 PM, Blogger Gypsy said...

I'm so happy that you have your faith to keep your moving onward and upward and that it gives you strength in times of worry. I have always been a bit perplexed about religion to be honest with you so I'm afraid I have nothing useful to add regarding your questions. Have a great week Robert.


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