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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Reconnecting with God

Hi, this is Linda, Robert's Mom. I posted a guest blog here several months ago about how I dealt with the death of my 30 year old husband and going on to raise two kids on my own. At that time I told how I was furious with God for allowing the love of my live to die at such a young age from cancer. Robert has asked me to continue my story and explain how I stopped blaming and started listening to God and believing that he was looking out for me and my children. I have no miraculous story to tell. There was no blinding light, no heavenly voice, no overwhelming feeling of being filled with the Holy Spirit. It was just little things, and it was gradual. I can't tell you just when I realized that I was not just really on my own, that I was getting assistance from someone or something I couldn't explain. It was just a feeling, just a trusting that things would turn out well, when I could not control that by myself. Sometimes when the kids were sick, or getting in trouble, or the car would break down, or I could not pay my bills, I would be at the point of despair, and something beyond my control would happen to help make things right. Not always, of course. There were good times and bad, but not too bad. I just began to trust in God and ask for direction, and more often than not I got it. I think that God used and still uses my late husband as a guardian angel for me. Again, this is just a feeling, but I believe it. I have told Robert and his sister Kathy that their father was there at important times of their life, and I believe that too. I don't really know for sure that isn't just something that I have configured in my own mind or is on my wish list, but I truly believe that God has not given up on me, and I thank Him and give Him praise on a regular basis. This is what I feel, and I hope and pray that God blesses all who read this as He has blessed me.


At 9:16 PM, Blogger Barbara - Layla said...


What a great post....it totally blessed me. I need as many reminders like this as I can get. My faith can be so shaky, but you reminded me that at the times I feel I can't go on, that's when my faith gets strong again, He never leaves us even if we get mad.

I am glad Bob had you as a guest writer!


(I remember that you don't call him "Robert")

At 11:37 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Thank you mom!!! Short but so much to the point. I told you I really would want to read this post no wonder why I echo your prayer at the end!!! Love you mom!!

At 7:24 AM, Blogger bjk said...

Thanks so much to both of you....seriously good to read both your thoughts.

At 2:29 PM, Blogger Kelly Jene said...

Great post Linda. I can't even compare with the loss of a husband, but I lost my baby last year, a pregnancy. I went thru this type of time as well, far from God, and as you said, it takes time then I started to feel closer to God. He was with me all along. Hopefully I will remember that should tragedy strike again. God forbid.

God bless you! May He shower you with the riches of His glorious love for you!


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