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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Like A Pinball

I am fighting a really bad cold now, hopefully it will eave soon and i will once again escape the ravages of that monster known as the flu. I have been fortunate for many years to avoid that bugger. Hate being sick.

I hope my sharing lately has been a help to any who came across and needed to hear what i shared. I know it has been a source of hope and healing for me as so many of you have been so loving,kind and supportive and gracious in comments. I do hope a more open dialogue can continue surrounding those areas so stigma and secrecy out of shame will not continue to damage people inside. I have a sunday school class I am coteaching which is a discipleship class but also covering ways in which we become affected by dysfunctions in our families and environments. I felt more free in guiding the group to open up and share and I know it was assisted by the community here in blogland!!!!

I was reading tracy simmons post the other day, tracy is at *the best parts* and i follow her blog daily :) She talked about knowing Him who is from the beginning. Spiritual maturity. Tracy has a wonderful way with words and this was no exception. I feel like a piball alot, bouncing here and there depending upon my feelings and/or situation life throws at me at any given time. Spiritual maturity finds total peace in resting in God. He is in complete control, regardless of what calamities and tribulations are occurring. Of course this takes a very grounded rooting in trusting God is who He says He is. If God is not love and not in complete control well then I see no reason why anyone should have peace because all is chaos. What really struck me is how to mature in regards to pain and trials.

I know in my reaction to losing my father to cancer at age 8 I came up with various defense mechanisms. Alot of those were imaginative ways my mind thought of to protect myself. Ultimately they all fail because they have no foundation, faith and the object of that faith provide the solid foundation. I have tended to put wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to much of an onus on myself and what i was going through as far as dealing with the struggles and difficulties of life. Part of me was able to latch on to Him and His truth, but a large part also has had a hard time just trusting Him no matter what came my way in life. Life is not fair. Pain and suffering happen all the time, even at a moments notice. God is love. God is good. God is in control even though the previous occur. I am wanting to let that truth sink in as deep as possible so i can reach higher levels of spiritual maturity, and also accept Gods grace in regards to my humanness and failings. I have been and still so often am a far harsher and strict judge of myself than He evcr is. Pinballs can have fun!!!


At 4:18 PM, Blogger Tracy Simmons said...

Robert, your posts reminds me of how long it can sometimes take before we truly believe God's heart toward us. I'm so glad you continue to press on and lay hold of the fact that He has His arms around you and will never let you go.

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Milly said...

keep reaching! I will!


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