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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Let God

So many things swirling inside. I want to make my posts series about therapy with God, just feel so caught up in my own mess for some reason. The compulsion to be perfect, yet knowing it is impossible. The feeling of failing because of making so many wrong choices which impacted me internally in ways i never realized would linger so long. I have not experienced nearly anything as bad or rough as so much of the world, yet find so many ways to mess myself up. I have spoken adnauseum of my battle with fear on here, but why have i had this battle knowing God in Jesus took the need for fear away??? How can i have have lived and gone through all i have been blessed and privileged to experience in the course of my life and all along deep inside is this shadow of fear???? I just don't get how to completely not fear like Jesus tells the apostles when He is in the boat and a huge storm hits, or when angels appear to people. What the heck!!!! I hate sounding like a broken record, this battle just seems to go on and on even after i seem to have made progress, whatever i determine that to be.

God, Jesus, you know everything inside me, all my motivations and desires. You know i want to love You with all my heart mind soul and strength, and that i also want to do what i want and leave You be certain times and just do whatever i want, no real reason other than something in me wanting my way. I know You kjow best, You are Love. Help me to let that truth be realized in my heart and will as it is in my mind. Thank You i can pour my heart out on here regardless who sees it and know You hear and will provide me Your Presence Show Yourself again and again as needed Holy God. Thank You for Jesus as we prepare to celebrate His coming to earth as one of us.


At 4:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also.

At 3:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy New Year old friend!

At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is extremely interesting for me to read the post. Thanx for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to this matter. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

At 8:28 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Amonymous- ty for stopping by and commenting What did you mean by my comment in features??? what features lol stop by anytime

At 1:44 AM, Anonymous mariam said...

Hey Robert

Sometimes some of the things you say sound very familiar to me. As in, I hear them from my daughter every day! My daughter has constant "fear" issues. She is dreadfully afraid of failure. But she is even more terrified of succeeding. She is afraid of not being ever good enough. She is a afraid of doing something and afraid of doing nothing. She is afraid of what people think of her and she is afraid they won't think of her. She is afraid of meeting and being with people and so she hides away, but she hates being by herself. She is afraid of the silence within. She is afraid of dying, but not as afraid as she is of living. She is afraid of being afraid and she is afraid of taking her anti-anxiety drugs because of what they might make her become. I sometimes pray that God will lead her to Him but othertimes I worry that being religious would just give her more to fear and worry about. So she hides and runs way and doesn't eat and hurts herself. Her body seems afraid of itself as it attacks itself with a variety of auto-immune disorders. Compared to my daughter, Robert, you are an oasis of calm.

I pray for the both of you that the peace of God, which passes all understanding, fill your hearts and minds so that his love really will fill you and push out all your fear. We can trust God. We can trust him because he is all loving and all just and He has a plan - and it's a good one. We just have to wait, knowing that in the end everything will be redeemed.

At 7:37 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Mariam- wow i really can relate to alot of what you shared about your daughter, alot of her fears and worries I have thought/felt the same way, although not to the physical extreme you describe her having.

Thank you for coming by,taking the time to share all this Mariam!!!! I have always loved what you have shared over on garys blog, which is how I was able to interact with you. I hope and pray His peace and grace and love to fill your daughter to overflowing, however it may happen. Please stop by anutime and email if you ever care to. Gods goodness be all yours aswell mariam, you are a very compassionate soul

At 11:40 PM, Anonymous mariam said...

Thanks Robert. I will try and drop by more often.

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Tea With Tiffany said...

I have struggled with serious fear. I finally feel like God has given me much freedom from my fears, but it took years of crying out and praying. I too felt like a broken record.

God hears your heart cry. I pray you sense His comfort and peace each and every day.

Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog.


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