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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Scary Freedom

Don't you hate it when you read so much good stuff and want to add your own thoughts to the mix, but just can't think of what to say??? I do. many posts used to just fly off my fingers from my mind, not so much lately. I suspect a part of it is the frustration of my own feeling stuck in a place i have been for sometime, although some changes and growth have occurred. Why is it my mind and spirit so fully grasp Gods unlimited Presence and love, yet my heart and will struggle to dive in and swim with Him where He is???

Freedom. That is a privilege we all desire right??? Surely if you or I were a slave we would do anything we could to hasten our freedom....or would we??? God brought the Israelites out from Egypt and slavery. He performed amazing miracles in doing so. After a while though they lost sight of all that and started grumbling and arguing amongst each other and wondering why leaving Egypt was so good anyhow, as opposed to wandering in the desert. They forgot where they had been taken from and where they were being taken too!!!!! They had God present with them and still they whined and were unhappy in their freedom!! How dumb could those Israelites be right??? I mean if i were ever in a place where God was actually present i would never groan and complain and long to go back to slavery right??? Riiigghhttttttttttttt as Bill Cosby would say.

God is always HERE. Just not in the form of a cloud or burning bush or something. Why have I let fear be such a factor and a blockade for so much of the time?? God has brought me through so many things, so many times. Funny how in the midst of those events i had no trouble knowing and believing He was there. Oh yes i had fears and doubts mixed in, but I was mostly able to know and feel His presence and love and grace. When i am just living life, going about it daily, fear seems to preoccupy my mind and I find it hard to even recall I was free of it.

I want to obey and live out the 2 great commandments- love the Lord your God with all your mind,heart,soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Scary freedom is that i fail to so often. I choose to seek comfort and just being able to do as i please or choose, especially if it doesn't cost me anything in effort or time or whatever. Of course I do find ways to love but why do i not just do it all the time naturally and with a whole heart of total gratitude and enthusiasm???

There is a part of my heart that questions God and His plan. He says in His Word those who desire to live godly lives will be persecuted..... i don't want that. He says we learn and grow through suffering..... I don't want that either. He makes all these promises about peace,love,total joy and eternal life that is without any of the pain and hurt we experience here on earth. Why then does He seem absent or inactive??? Why does all this pain,suffering and death happen???/ This is the shadowed area where my inner cries exist and cause fear to linger and hover. Freedom calls me to be patient and wait in faith for Him to lead and guide me as He promised. i wish it were not so scary to do that.

How do you feel??? Is freedom scary??


At 6:17 PM, Blogger MistiPearl said...

I'll let you know when I let go, but in the meantime, it is scary, sometimes terrifying. God promises to walk with us through the shadow of death, right!? And He never gives us more than we can handle, right!? Regardless, I still have trouble stepping off the cliff - a test of faith to say the least...I guess what I really mean to say is that freedom may be scary, but like you mention, remaining a slave is even scarier...It's all about perspective eh!? :)
You are a beautiful soul Robert, thanks for sharing.~mp:)

At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is certainly interesting for me to read that post. Thanks for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to them. I would like to read a bit more soon.

At 4:48 PM, Blogger iluka said...

Don't forget Robert, "In Him we live and move and have our being". God is in you and you are in Him. You do not need to jump and dive in where He is because you are already there - in the great ocean of God's love. When we suffer we are still there and when we shed this mortal shell we will still be swimming in that great sea.

So why does God allow suffering? It doesn't have anything to do with pacts with Satan. Sometimes we cause our own suffering and sometimes bits of the universe just bump into each other as God continues to create. Through suffering he calls us to be co-creators with him. It is the part of us that is in God's image that calls us, to leave our own selfish and self-serving ways and express our love for our neighbour. Suffering calls for justice, compassion and redemption.

Or as my non-believing teenage son said the other day "We need to be sad sometimes, so that we know what happy means." The scriptures tell us that one day there will be no more tears - the one days all the roads will be made straight. I don't think we are quite ready for that yet. The universe is, and we are, still evolving and growing and that is painful.

I think, however, that it is God's nature to create - so I wonder what He will do when he is finished creating this world.

At 4:49 PM, Anonymous mariam said...

Iluka = Mariam, BTW. Iluka is my blog sign-in. I forgot to change it.


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