Hurdles

I always have liked watching hurdlers. Takes a lot of determination and skill to run as fast as you can while jumping over hurdles, a lot of good vision and coordination, both of which i lack lol I dont necessarily have the same affection for my own particular hurdles in my life. I wish i could be like super mario or the guy in donkey kong and magically leap over the hurdles without it taking effort.

I think God is gradually working to chisel away at my fear struggle. Actually I am sure He has been doing that all along, but i have a hard time accepting the ways He chisels. I have had, along with every other living being on this planet, even animals, many painful experiences that hurt. Physically,emotionally,mentally and relationally. A desire to avoid the pain kicks in as it did way back when. Of course, avoiding pain can result in even more pain which screws up the whole plan!!! My hurdles have been my own imagination. I have been able to imagine myself possibly getting almost every disease or malady in existence. Of course i haven't even come close but it hasn't stopped my imagination from saying *what if*??? *What if* is a very paralyzing frame of mind isn't it?? Ultimately the love and grace of God is the answer to what if. When i do my merry-go-round of all my worries about what if i end up at that place, where i can only rely on God being who He is. Somehow i find a way to lose sight of that and go back on my what if rabbit trail again and again.

Feelings are my hurdles too. When i feel the love and grace and peace of God o man is it incredible!!!!! Or when i just have a calm serenity knowing He is there and in charge. When my feelings swerve into anxiety, worry,fear and any sense of discomfort, I get all twisted. My imagination begins telling me my feelings are who i am and so I must be a fearful,worrying wreck who can't rest in faith and trust in God. You can only guess what happens when that series of thoughts happens. Ugh.

Thankfully, God is helping me ever so slowly as i said before to realize He undertands all this and loves me as He always has and always will. I hope i can daily find my way to resting in that truth and letting it draw me closer and closer to Him. How about you, do you have any of these kinds of hurdles??? Do you find your feelings can become enemies instead of allies at times??? Do you find when you are in pain it drives you closer to God and to seek Him out or does it drive you away from Him?? All sharing welcomed.