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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Fighting with Reality- Being Human

Just what does it mean to be human??? Fully,completely human?? Jesus lived the most complete human life of anyone, and He was partly divine. He never lost touch with His humanity though. He took time to be alone when His batteries were low. He enjoyed socializing with His friends as well as people He came across in the course of life. I get caught up in some idea of what i am supposed to be as His follower and seeking to imitate Him and reflect Him but I lose sight of the acceptance aspects which He gives to us as we are simply human.

I beat myself up internally all the time for my perceived lack of mental toughness and invincible courage and boldness to take on any and all challenges undaunted by any fear or worry. I fail to note the small instances where in my own way I did take steps of courage and boldness, maybe not even close to my inflated magical superhero vision of them, but they still happened. I don't expect or ask anyone else to carry out this perfectionistic vision i have in my head so why do i hang onto it for myself??

God made us, He knows each one of us far better than we could ever imagine. He knows my whole mixture of faith/fear/struggle/desire and all else inside me. I pray He helps me to deal with my fear as genuinely as i can,acknowledging my faults and weaknesses with it. I have lil moments of deliverance and peace and many moments of dread and anguish. I pray he will help me to accept myself more fully and to accept that pain,suffering and certain other unwanted experiences just are part of life. God Himself has had them so how can i in all honesty expect to get a pass when He doesn't??? The acceptance of no pain no gain really is a help when its implemented.

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