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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Fighting with Reality- More

I think psychosis is a way to find rest from reality for many i really do. My mind just gets so overloaded so much and it just keeps going and going like the energizer bunny. I keep butting heads within my mind with varying thoughts. Why am i not where I think i should be and why do I have a place where i think i should be instead of just accepting what is???

Jesus told His disciples as well as the crowds following Him to come to Him as a little child. He did not elaborate much on this, so we have to analyze and interpret what He meant. Endless analysis and interpreting is what makes my mind spin and spin. Where is the Spirit to grab hold of me and just make me know- THIS IS IT!!!! So much history of so many interpretations.

What is Gods expectation?? David, the man who *is a man after Gods own heart* committed adultery and murder. Was his life perfectly holy and obedient after he repented of these sins?? What is Gods expectation of repentance for us??? Surely he knows that most all of us have sins which we repeat over and over again, maybe they are small and not so bad in the large picture, but they are sins nonetheless. Repentance therefore like confession is ongoing throughout life right???

This is my dilemma where I fight reality right now. I seek to surrender myself to God as best I can, seek to pursue Him and His ways, His Word, and at the sametime have all these other desires which go against the ones He lays out. Is this true for all of us as just what happens in life?? Is there a time and place where holy obedience and faith just rules in the heart and mind and lets the believer live life in peaceful rest??? What is the reality supposed to be???

Hopefully I am saying some similar themes in different ways in these posts. The point is struggling with personal experience and Gods Word and His promises and what to do when they are not in alignment. Are you having a similar struggle or have you found a nirvana??


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