Hard To Be Still
*Be still and know that I AM God* One of the most vivid passages of relating to God in all of Scripture. Direct,clear,to the point. Why is it so freaking hard?? My mind and heart swilrs round and round like a merry-go-round gone awry. Let me just lay it out as i seem to experience it.
God is love. Jesus is Lord and Savior. Holy Spirit is the Helper. Bible is Gods written Word. Faith and obedience, love God and love everyone else and yourself. So easy to understand and apply. Hmmmm...
Seems like it should be so easy but a whole host of other junk interrupt this easy outline. My dad died when i was 8. He was 30. Why him?/ Why not me?? Why do i still obsess over this at age 51??/ I have a heart condition, congestive heart failure. Will i suddenly die with no warning?? That has been my huge terror for as long as i can recall. How do i manage facing it everyday??? I struggle to sleep at night alot because of these fears. Why can't i just rest in faith and Gods love and grace??
Sin. All kinds of sin. Sin i knew better than to do but ended up doing it anyway. Don't we all though?? No comfort though. it doesn't matter if we all do it- i should not have!!!! So says my inner critic. How could i have ev er been seen as the best example of a christian by my atheist roommate in Bible College?? Just look at the mess inside!!! Fear...... worry.....doubt.....selfishness.....pride.....laziness. Why do i struggle with all of this?? Why can't i be like so many people i have read or heard testimonies about??? people who faced staggering life challenges and just overcame with almost unbelievable courage. Could it be in there deepest part of their inner being they struggle with these demons as well??? Could they be wondering why me too??/
if anyone reads this please share a thought or response. Thanks and here's to being abel to be still!!!1