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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, July 05, 2012


Life Goes On is a well-worn cliche, as well as a cool tv show in the 80's.  Kellie Martin  made glasses  sexy way before Sarah Palin  lol    I saw a few people commenting  at Rachels blog say they would love to get paid to read and think.  That would be a great way to make money, as long as  it wasn't a paid on commission  salary eh??/  I wonder if Kant, Hegel, Descartes,Kierkegaard and the list could go and on, did they go a lil stir crazy at times???  The Enlightenment wasm't  exactly  beach time reading.

  Why did  God  create us with the capability of self-awareness and reflection??/  I ask this rhetorically because I  know  many reasons why. I struggle with the awareness we all have of our own death. Animals live and have no comprehension some point they will die. Thinking about this, I can wrap my mind around why someone would  be an atheist, because they don't have to worry about death and  what happens after  since   for them  death is the end.

  My heart condition  has let my imagination work overtime in   contemplating  death in all kinds of ways. Will my heart  stop  suddenly from beating too fast, too slow, too poorly, too much stress???  What will it feel like when it happens??  How do i just let go and not get caught up in  morbidity????  Weird to be writing this down when it is such a  source of angst for me over and over. I really envy all the people who  find it easy to just *let go and let God* and   leave all the worry and anxiety with Him.

 Coping. Some days it is easier than others. God  does help  even in the  desert times.


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