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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Friday, August 10, 2012


Onions have layers. Life has levels. I think Maslows hierarchy of needs does a pretty fair job providing the wide range, but of course there are various smaller levels within the major levels. O the joy and pain of consciousness and awareness!!!!  I get caught up trying to juggle all the levels simultaneously     no wonder Solomon wrote Ecclesiastes!!!! Lol. Each one of us has a genuine uniqueness God chose as part of His infinite creativity. No snowflak is like any other. How much more then can that be true of us, who are created in God's Image???  

My thoughts bounce around like bumper cars at times, other times just slog like a snail or turtle. God is Almighty and Good, He is Love. What about all the instances which  seem to diametrically oppose this truth??/  Well, free will so that we are not robtos has alot ot with it. Lots of evil and suffering  occur  as a direct result of human action. Minds that seek to harm and manipulate. Selfishness trumping selflessness. As the song goes, what the world needs now is love sweet love, it's the only thing that there's just too little of.

 As i write that last paragraph, I can only  contemplate in wonderment at my levels and how i struggle between what my mind knows and desires and what i experience. God is Love, but He allows soooooooooooo much pain!!!!  He  seems absent even at the most  crucial of times. Deth lurks in the shadows, and  it can happen any second. We tend to block this out as we  live  moment by moment but then you  hear about or see the  massacre in war. The genocide in Africa.,lives destroyed by drugs,sickness,mental illness and more.I have read tons and tons of books on apologetics, purpose behind it all. Still, emotionally the questions and existential angst remain. Plus, there are  many  intelligent, mature and basically strong people who believe God  is like Santa Claus   an imaginary being. How????

  Again, just writing  from some of the tensions within my head. I wish i had more  self-control  over my thoughts and emotions. I can  wallow in the worst   *what-ifs* and  a lil later be  serene and  feel  no worries whatsoever. Constant swings  back and forth  not even sure why. The amazing thing is........ God remains the same even when my ability to fathom Him is somehow muddled. Yay that He IS God!!!!


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