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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Thursday, May 17, 2007


One of the oldest songs there is well at least as far as campfires and camps go. Lots of jokes made about it, but how true it is. Come by here my Lord come by here!!!! Come by here as You see me torn up inside Lord. Come by here as You see the conflict inside me. I want to trust You serve You obey You love You and at the sametime i want to resist You avoid You fight You run from You.

I dont know how i got to the place where i am dear God. I remember just the excitement of wanting to know You better and more fully and to share that with everyone so much I desired to become a minister. Somehow i let certain things create a gradual drift and an inner pain was ignored and sedated by attempts at sensual pleasures of various kinds and other ways to avoid and blot out the pain and the reality of openly laying myself on Your altar as a livijng sacrifice, I wanted to be dead to self and alive to You but secretly not let self die at all just have the appearance of being dead. You are ALMIGHT GOD Jesus is SAVIOR LORD GIVER OF ETERNAL LIFE Holy Spirit is COMFORTER HELPER GUIDE I stand before you with the same fear and trepidation i have had for so long yet i want to come and somehow let You transform me let You touch me let You love me just as i am let You take me as i give you a torrent of tears and pray from my inmost soul GOD JESUS HOLY SPIRIT I BELIEVE HELP MY UNBELIEF!!!!! IF YOU CHOOSE TO TAKE ME HELP ME TO SAY LIKE PAUL IF I DIE PRAISE THE LORD WHEN THE DARKNESS CLOSES IN LORD BLESSED BE YOUR NAME!!!!

Thank you for all who have commented and all who have prayed for me via garys post God uses it all i pray i will follow the leading He is doing and let my heart be broken in a way that allows Him the tools He knows best so i will have a restored heart that beats for His kingdom and will in a joyful obedient way that His love and grace creates in me. Blogging IS such a wonderful blessing He provides!!! KUMBAYA MY LORD!!!!!


At 9:06 AM, Anonymous faithfreak2001@yahoo.com said...

He is very fond of you.....remember that...come to KNOW that to the very bottom of your toes.....KNOW that HE IS VERY FOND OF YOU......

me....I am as well and praying for you.....


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