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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Sunday, July 15, 2007


Thats how it feels lately so much happening so fast so broad so big so basic. Alot of tragedy has struck people always so much different the effect when it happens to you a family member or a clse friend. Great amount of joy also happening to alot of people. Ecclesiastes seems to fit life so well so often especially when talking about a time for everything. Time is a created thing very hard for me to grasp that because time seems like the wind it just is time passes and never ceases except for occurrences where somehow it seems to stand still for us but time will cease one day because all will return to God as it was before the fall won't it?????

Time goes by too fast for me so much I waste alot of time i tell myself i wont but sure enough day after day i find myself wasting time whether it be watching tv on the net or just spacing in my own thoughts I tend to become so caught up in my own head way too often. I want to act and just do stuff like i see God challenging me to do via His Word or from other people or life situations I think i found it a safe escape place i could go to inside my head when life and people were frightening or overwhelming for me when i was small. I have a mind that never turns off it seems some stuff just replays over and over.

I struggle to just rest in trusting God. I believe Hos Word I trust He is good He is love he is active being God always yet part of me freezes at doing certain things to show trust internally i let fears become menacing abd they act like shadows blocking me from trusting God. I then fear dying and being caught in a position of lacking faith and not trusting God as I need to . A downward spiral that sometimes never ends. Just how are you supposed to face up to and overcome a fear of death its not like heights bugs food noise speaking flying all things which can be done you cant die because its a one and done deal no returning and it drives me crazy to struggle with it when i know i need to let it go and just rest in faith and trust in God and Jesus having me safe in their presence!!!!!! Will mind andemotions ever be in peace regarding this in this life??? Do you reading have a perfect peace about this???? Do you still have fears of what happens at death or after death even as a believer??? Do oyu fear letting God down because of lacking faith??? I hope to hear from some of you these are questions which occupy my mind so much. Thanks for listening!!!


At 7:13 AM, Blogger bjk said...

What is your fear of dying, more specifically if it's ok to ask....

I don't anymore.....the whole of KNOWING He loves me has alleviated that.....do you know Robert how much he loves YOU?

sounds trite but that has been the biggest part of the journey for me. From Catholocism 'thinking' there were things I had to DO to realizing it's been done and done because of His great love for us, for me, for you....and now where I screw up is loving others the way He says....but THAT my friend I think will be always....but He will do it and when I do get to heaven I will love as HE says....


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