To whom shall we go?

The words of the apostle Peter to Jesus when He asked the 12 who they thought He was after Peter declared He was Christ the Messiah. Peters words ruminate like clanging bells in my head. Who else is there to turn to??? The New Age Movement which has all kinds of umbrella terms to identify itself now always ends up making the *self* the ultimate. Scientology has a whole mixed bag which again ends up leading back to a newfangled *self* (and you wont look like tom crusie or john travolta by pursuing it either lol). No one else made the claims Jesus made about Himself and asked what He asks of those who follow Him. Not buddha,allah or mohammed,and other claimers of divinity in some for or another.

I soaked up as much as i could when i first came to be a Christ-follower. Wanting to have a study Bible read as much as i could about ap9ologetics,knowing why i believed, knowing what i believed seeking to mix theology with emotion and experience. The reality of Jesus being the Way Truth and Life seemed to be so simply evident it was like how can anyone miss it??? i loved having conversations with people of varying belief systems it always seemed to help solidify the realness of Jesus as THE ANSWER!! The problem and struggle was and has always been YES He is the ANSWER so why so tough to follow and live out the trust and obedience He calls me to???? That seems to be a widespread dilemma though, at least imho over these many years of life spent amongst believers. In my home church as well as neighboring churches i have visited over the years i have seen the same syndrome happen again and again the preachers are evangelizing the saved!!!! 3 point sermons with the pivot point being COME TO JESUS!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE HAVE COME TO HIM WE NEED HELP WHAT TO DO ABOUT OBEYING AND FOLLOWING NOW!!! Sorry for the shouting but it just felt i needed to there. I give a disclaimer in that of course there is a lot of very solid expository preaching which does feed us and teaches us to be better disciples i am just speaking about a overarching trend that happens over and over again in many cases. One reason is that it is much easier to talk about coming to Jesus than it is to talk about how to follow Him especially if that is a major tension point for the preacher him or herself.

I am in the middle of so much internal change and alot of it also how I undestand God Jesus and the Holy Spirit and the whole relationship involved in being a *christian* There is that whole dichotomy between justification and sanctification. How I am seen and accepted by God by virtue of belonging to Christ as opposed to the actual reality of what i do and feel and experience in daily living. i want to love my neighbor as myself, i want to be a servant i want to love God seek to know Him better and be part of what he is all about in how to carry out life. Yet(i say yet so i wont use but) i also want my own way. i want certain things that dont align with Gods desires for living life. I get caught up in lil mind fits and emotional messes that i really dont even know why i do half the time. I let silly lil things get in the way of the larger bigger picture of my overall goal of being like Jesus. Sometimes i have small moments of time where it all fits and i feel like He speaks to me deep inside and fills me with a peace beyond understanding. Then as quickly as that happened im back in a maze of muck and mire wondering what happened to the clarity i had just a lil bit ago??/

One thought i had today which seemed to be comforting concerning my fear struggle. Jesus went to God and asked Him if it was at all possible for God His Father to let Him not have to die. Of course Jesus was dealing with alot more than just His own life but it is a comfort to know Jesus didnt just have a silly grin all the time and run around acting a;; jazzed about getting to hang on a cross and be crucified. Its very weird to think God is easier on me about my fears and my flaws and failures than i am on myself. I need to keep writing more on these themes here. Hoping God will lead me thru the wilderness into the promised land as far as taking in how wide deep long high and endless beyond comprehension is the love He has poured out to me in His Son Christ Jesus.