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pursuing the upward call with fear and trembling

just a 44 year old man seeking to share my meanderings with the world at large or the blogosphere at small

Monday, June 30, 2008

Here There and Everywhere

Ubiquitous by definition means being everywhere at once. Do you ever wish you could actually accomplish that??? I think it would be wild but very exhausting as well. I have been reflecting alot about a post rwk wrote about being awake at 3 am and just feeling empty. He wrote in such a heartfel way and words that let you know he was speaking from his soul. How can one know so much and seemingly have all that is needed as far as putting things together and making sense of life and God's purpose in it,but yet at the sametime seem to feel a deep divide in feeling and acting on that knowledge??? It is a real battle to decide what to share on here sometimes. Can some personal sharing be too much??? I suppose so, but isn't it worth it if it can help anyone who may be helped in a very solid way by what you shared???

Rwk made a point of how it seems that alot of what we were taught and learned about how God works in Scripture doesn't really work out in real life existence. That is one to ponder deeply because faith plays such a huge role and how do you fathom all the possibilities of faith??? Scripture calls for us to be strong,courageous and mature as believers,overcomers who discern good and evil and move above the fray. Yet Scripture also talks about how weak and broken we can be, hurting and struggling,needing to recieve as much help as we can from those who are stronger. We are to work out our own salvation in fear and trembling yet we cannot do anything of ourselves to add anything to what Jesus has done and we need to be still and let Gods Spirit operate within us.

Is it good to share our brokenness and failings and pain???? On one hand I hear you saying, are you being serious about this??? OF COURSE!!!! But do you have a nagging voice that whispers to you, *careful about appearing to weak and needy. Better not let them see THOSE sin struggles, they might not want to be close to you if they know about that* Why does it seem so much Jesus way of being is so unnatural and hard to just carry out without a wrestling match inside my mind heart and soul??? Lots of times being loving to people can happen so spontaneously i just do without a second thought. But, when I think about how i want to deny myself and love as Jesus did and calls us all too, my insides feel like a funhouse trying to throw me offbalance and make it almost impossible to do what i am wanting to do???

I am just writing stuff as it hits me here, i hope it makes sense in some way. I guess a bottomline is in spite of my desire to be at a higher level, so often my own selfishness messes me up and it is in such small silly ways but its still there!!! I guess we all struggle with this to some extent sometimes it just gets hazy and jumbled to keep things clear. Any ponderings on your own take on this *stuff*??? I really want to explore the role of the conscience at some point, to get a better grip on just how it is formed and functions and how God sees fit to use it. Hot weather here in oregon, hope you all are keeping cool!!!

3 Comments:

At 9:47 AM, Blogger OneDaisy said...

And once again....I have been struggling with alot of guilt lately. I have considered blogging about what I have been guilty about but am too afraid of what people might think. I know that God is ashamed of my behavior right now, so how on earth could I expect people (although kind at heart) to be accepting? It's a difficult thing isn't it? I keep an awful lot just bundled up inside trying to just ignore it. Nausea takes it's place. I love your posts and your heart felt words. I can usually find a peace here that I struggle with otherwise. Thank you for that.

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger Robert said...

nettie- you are so wonderful with your kindness!!! I truly empathize with you and your struggle with guilt,whatever it may be. I have such a hard time accepting God sees me with love and grace and not disappoinment or anger over my sisn nettie. May I recommend a few authors to you?? Larry Crabb,Brennan Manning,Dan Allender and Jeff Van Vonderen. They deal with guilt,shame forgiveness love and grace in a way that hits home. If you ever would like to talk in emails nettie I have mine on my profile page. Thank you for being so open and for always encouraging me so much anytime you stop by!!! I pray God helps you know His tenderness and grace more and more no matter what behaviors you struggle with :)

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger OneDaisy said...

Thanks Robert. I have written down the authors and will look into their books. And I just might take you up on the email offer as well. It might be a good thing, a blessing from God himself if I actually open up a little. You are wonderful and I appreciate your words, encouragement and prayers. Have a wonderful 4th!

 

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